coldcat's wit

Guess what day it is
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Guess what day it is

Ever since Geico unveiled the ads with a camel wandering through the office annoying its coworkers by asking what day it is, every person on Facebook has spent Wednesdays wandering through the interwebs annoying their friends with the same question. Look, I get it, the camel-on-Wednesday was a clever joke, but so was the Eddie Money running a travel agency joke and the bodybuilder directing traffic joke. and I don't see references to the Geico ad on Facebook every time someone books a trip or attends a bodybuilding convention.
Really, the only acceptable way to respond when one of your Facebook friends posts on a Wednesday "Mike, Mike, Mike, guess what day it is" (and they will, every single Wednesday) is to respond with an appropriate level of snark. So here, to prepare you for the next 51 Wednesdays, sarcastic yet true answers to "guess what day it is"

Jan. 8- Commonwealth Day in the Northern Mariana Islands
Jan. 15- The Christian Feast Day of Arnold Janssen, which one would think was an actuary from Rhinelander, Wis. but actually he was from Rhineland, Germany
Jan. 22- Reunion Day in Ukraine, celebrating the 1919 Act of Zluky which unified Ukraine and West Ukraine, a nation that existed for a month and a half.
Jan. 29- Alex Avila's 27th birthday.
Feb. 5- National Weatherpersons Day. This comes three days after small rodents try their hand at forecasting and I have to say, the people do a much better job so it's good they have a day.
Feb. 12- Charles Darwin's birthday. It's also Abe Lincoln's birthday but that has sort of evolved into President's Day. See, I worked an evolution joke in there. Both were born in 1809.
Feb. 19- Flag Day in Turkmenistan. They always know how to throw a party in Turkmenistan.
Feb. 26- The Original Dixieland Jass Band recorded its first album on this day in 1917, the first jazz record.
March 5 - Learn from Lei Feng Day in China. Comrade Lei was a soldier in the People's Liberation Army who was part of a propaganda campaign and may or may not have existed.
March 12- Youth Day in Zambia, so if you know any young Zambians, be sure to get them a card.
March 19- The anniversary of Congress establishing time zones and Daylight Savings Time in 1918. So celebrate by calling your congressman and asking what time it is.
March 26- Prophet Zoroaster's Birthday, so remember the reason for the season.
April 2- The anniversary of the launch of LexisNexis in 1973.
April 9- Day of the Finnish Language (holy wah!)
April 16- Christian Feast Day of Drogo, the 12th century son of Flemish nobles who became a pilgrim and whose life was recounted in the movie 'Rocky IV.'
April 23- Anniversary of the martyrdom of Miquel de Cervantes (can we call him a martyr when he was killed by the Catholic Church? I say yes)
April 30- The Christian feast day of Maximus of Rome, who evidently was a real guy and evidently had nothing to do with the character played by Russell Crowe in Gladiator.
May 7- 35th birthday of former Purdue guard and current member of the Indiana Fever Katie Douglas.
May 14- National Unification Day in Liberia.
May 21- Navy Day in Chile (I think it might also be Chilli Day in the Navy but I cannot confirm that)
May 28- Downfall of Derg Day in Ethiopia. The Derg was the military junta overthrown in 1991, not a species of Star Trek character.
June 4- 29th birthday of Arsenal forward Lukas Podolski
June 11- Kamehameha Day. Formerly a national holiday in the Kingdom of Hawai'i, now a state holiday in the state of Hawai'i.
June 18- Waterloo Day, the anniversary of Napoleon's defeat in 1815.
June 25- National Catfish Day in the US, so go online and pretend to be a woman to woo some unsuspecting Brooklynite to the UP.
July 2- The anniversary of the Continental Congress adopting a resolution to dissolve ties to Great Britain in 1776.
July 9- Independence Day in South Sudan.
July 16- Birthday of Jesse Jane, star of such films as Nurses 2, Babysitters 2, Bad Girls 6 and Pirates 2; Stagnetti's Revenge.
July 23- Birthday of Haile Sellaisse, former emperor of Ethiopia and messiah of Rastafarianism.
July 30- Anniversary of Jimmy Hoffa disappearing from Bloomfield Hills in 1975.
Aug. 6- Jamaican Independence Day. It's also Bolivian Independence Day but Bolivian culture doesn't give us quite as much to celebrate.
Aug. 13- International Lefthanders' Day.
Aug. 20- St. Stephen's Day in Hungary.
Aug. 27- The anniversary of the Anglo-Zanzibar War. The shortest war in history, it broke out Aug. 27, 1896 at 9 a.m. and was resolved by 9:45.
Sept. 3- Memorial Day in Tunisia.
Sept. 10- 36th birthday of Canadian model Coco Rocha.
Sept. 17- Constitution Day
Sept. 24- Constitution Day in Cambodia.
Oct. 1- The anniversary of Sony releasing the first commercial CD player and the opening of EPCOT Center, both of which happened in 1982.
Oct. 8- Matt Damon's birthday. Don't worry, Ben Affleck will get him a gift so you don't have to.
Oct. 15- Global Handwashing Day.
Oct. 22- Wombat Day.
Oct. 29- The anniversary of Mohammed Ali's professional debut in 1960. He won.
Nov. 5- Guy Fawkes Day. Have a blast.
Nov. 12- Anne Hathaway's 32nd birthday.
Nov. 19- World Toilet Day. Interesting that Toilet Day comes more than a month after Handwashing Day, you'd think Handwashing Day would be after Toilet Day,
Nov. 26- The anniversary of Vlad the Impaler becoming ruler of Wallachia for the third time.
Dec. 3 - Advocate's Day in India.
Dec. 10- Matt Forte's 29th birthday.
Dec. 17- Saturnalia
Dec. 24- The anniversary of the Eggnog Riot at West Point in 1826.
Dec. 31- National Bar Is Really Crowded Day, People Reflecting on Stuff Day, and the Anniversary of Clint getting his hair cut involuntarily.

So, guess what day it is.

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