coldcat's wit

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Taser Guns, bigger guns, and a cover band

So we had a story on Taser guns today. Those are always fun stories to see on TV because they always feature decent people getting jolted out of their socks. I had to edit this story and my producer called for Nats up, in other words, to hear what's happening on the video. Well, that's all well and good until about 15 seconds after the Taser hit, when the vic finds his voice and lets loose with a stream of words the FCC is none too fond of. Then there was the fun bit where the female cop takes the Taser and lets loose a scream that sounds semi orgasmic. Of course then some guy has to go and ruin everything. If you've never seen one of these things, they shoot forth wires that clip onto the targets body and then have to be unclipped. The female officer took the shot with her back to the gun, so when her helpful cohorts went to unclip, some guy called out 'I got dibs on pulling out the one on her butt.' Way to turn this learning experience into a chance to feel up a woman's ass. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy about the maturity level and professionalism of the boys in blue.

Also, assault weapons become legal Monday (as Justin alluded to in his post), so if you love America, go buy yourself an uzi.

After you purchase your AK47, you'll have to save up your next few paychecks 'cuz September 28th is when Marilyn Manson's 'Best of' album drops. On the album are such songs as 'Tainted Love' 'Sweet Dreams' and 'Personal Jesus' thus proving that Marilyn Manson is a glorified cover band. It also seems their sole purpose is to cover early 80's Brit-Pop. But if that is the case, where is their homage to two groups they really must include in the pantheon on Brit-pop, Wham! and Culture Club? Come on, I really want to hear the Manson version of 'Do you Really Want to Hurt Me.' I think their version of 'Wake Me Up Before you Go Go' would be a surefire hit.

This all reminds me of course of the time about nine years ago when I was in high school and Marilyn Manson was just becoming famous. Moms throughout the midwest were convinced they were evil, to the point that some of them wrote letters to the editor of my local paper citing the lyrics of 'Sweet Dreams' as evidence that the guys worship our dark lord Satan. Yes, in the minds of 90's midwestern mothers, Marilyn Manson is a Satanist because Annie Lennox wrote the words 'Sweet dreams are made of these, who am I to disagree.'

comments (1) 09-11-2004

The People's Comments:

The Marilyn Manson 'Best of' is invalid if it does not have his cover of 'Suicide is Painless', also known as 'the theme from MASH.' Apparently Mr. Manson is either a Johnny Mathis fan or a 70s comedy/drama fan. If it's the latter, I anxiously await his cover of 'the theme from Maude.'

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