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2004 VMA's rant

I seriously don't know why I bother.  Every friggin' year I tell myself to not even watch the MTV Video Music Awards.  They always suck, nothing ever happens, and it's all just rap, shameless plugs, and old women trying to stay hip by kissing younger skanks.  And yet every damn year I end up watching the show anyway, much like someone going to eat at Taco Bell knowing damn well they're gonna end up sick to their stomach...but they go anyway.  Here's a recap of the show:

Can anyone explain to me what the difference is between 'best rap video' and 'best hip-hop video?'  I'm pretty sure all the same people were nominated for both, as well as the other classic 'best R&B video.'  Those be the slower grooves, know what I'm sayin'?  Meh, it doesn't matter, Jay-Z and Outkast pretty much won everything anyway.

So Jessica Simpson has a little sister eh?  Fantastic.  Hey, do you know what would be cool?  If she got her own reality show, just like her sister Jessica!  And we can follow her around everywhere and watch her record a bunch of music that no one would give two craps about if MTV wasn't pushing it down our throats!  What's that?  She does?  Oh, goody!  Well, you can probably start aiming the shotgun at my mouth anytime you want! 

Probably due to the fact that most popular music is getting worse and more generic every year, Dave Chappelle got the line of the night when he simply griped to the cheering morons in the crowd 'God, is there anything you people DON'T like?!' 

Jet won for 'best rock video.'  Thank God.  Jet was the only band nominated that actually qualifies as 'rock and roll.'  The others (Hoobastank, Yellowcard, Linkin Park, etc.) all fall under the category of 'manufactured generic crap-rock.'  I'm just thankful there are a few bands still out there like Jet, The White Stripes, The Strokes & The Donnas that still make straight-forward, dirty, kick-ass, balls-out rock and roll!  Even The Donnas have bigger balls then those assclowns in Hoobastank.

I know this is an old bit, but some of those rap songs sound EXACTLY the same!  Much like that creepy website that CW sent out with the two Nickleback songs playing at the same time and sounding exactly the same, there was a few rap songs performed (Usher's song and the other group with that Li'l Jon guy) where I seriously thought they were doing the same song. 

And what VMA's would be complete without a big suprise performance of some kind?  This year the honor went to Alicia Keys, who brought out Stevie Wonder as they peformed his classic 'Higher Ground' along with Lenny Kravitz.  Actually, this was pretty cool and easily the lone highlight of the show...I'm sure people will be showing this for years, and they join such memorable collaberations like Pearl Jam & Neil Young, Puff Daddy & Sting, Aerosmith, Kid Rock & Run DMC, and Michael Jackson, his pants & Emmanuel Lewis. 

Anyhoo, I'm sure they'll rerun the damn show until March of next year, but don't bother.  Watch porn instead. 



comments (5) 08-30-2004

The People's Comments:

So we are all in agreement, next year we'll all watch porn instead.

Oh hey, the VMA's are still around?

Watch porn? Hell what do you think I was doing while the VMA's were on live? 'Big Boob Volleyballers 2' was quite the captivating watch. And I felt like my intelligence was less insulted by watching this than the VMA's.

Hey you know I love the porn as much as the next guy! I think the only time I was bitching was when Trenkle brought over those REALLY skanky dvds, remember those?!

'Anyhoo, I'm sure they'll rerun the damn show until March of next year, but don't bother. Watch porn instead.' --Haas.

Now I don't want to hear you bitch when you come over, and I'm watching porn all the time. You said I could.

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