foley's wit

Foley's other column on cell phones, Caller ID, etc.
Nov 02, 2006

Hey Jailbreak, how about another Haiku?
Oct 24, 2006

My graffiti column
Oct 19, 2006

Barry Bonds, what else?
Apr 05, 2006

Our Lady Peace's new album
Sep 08, 2005



The 'Real' Detroit Tigers

Yeah, yeah, so I'm minorly excited about the Tigers recent five-game winning streak, but we all know it's going to be short lived. Kind of like a 15 month marriage from hell, but I'm not bitter, believe me!!! There's just something about this year's team that really turns my crank the wrong way. It really got started when Dave Dombrowski, the coverboy for Assman Illustrated, traded away their best reliever, Kyle 'Mr. Piledriver' Farnsworth, for some guy named Colon, and he's not at all related to Bartolo. Since then, Ivan 'Formly known as Pudge, but now post-steroid tested Slim' Rodriguez has shown his displeasure by deciding he's better than the team, Trammell and Dombrowski by arriving late from his personal, steriod and post diroved settlement sex filled business trip to Columbia or wherever and basically saying 'fuck team rules.' Yeah, so now there's a lot of guys on the team that hate all the special treatment the former-roid boy has received this season. What was his punishment anyway for being late, a spanking from Bob Cluck? According to the Detroit Sports Rag, Pudge is the only member on the team who's son is allowed to hang out in the clubhouse during games. You know, with mommy no longer around (Pudge and his wife dirovced earlier this year, kind of like me, YESSS!!!) I guess Chris Shelton or Vance Wilson act as Mr. Mom. It's pretty obvious Pudge doesn't like Detroit at all (just like Juan Gonzalez a few years back) and he and Trammell get along about as well as my stomach and the at the all you can eat buffett at Petoskey's KFC (Which is only $5.99 on weekdays, but $6.99 on fricking weekends, why is that, it's the same fricking Chicken and biscuits???). I remember a few weeks back in Chicago there was a brief camera shot in the Tiger dugout following a boneheaded defensive play that displayed Pudge and Trammell getting into a little argument, I wish they would've stayed on that shot longer to show Pudge have a roid rage moment and then bitch slap Trammell, who should in turn bitch slap his butt-ugly wife. (Have you ever seen Tram's wife, oh my God, she's fricking uglier than Kevin Trenkle's job resume!!) Personally, I think it's Pudge's way of speeding up the Trammell firing process, which may come sooner than later. And we all know who the next manager will be, Bruce Fields. Why? So Dombrowski can shy away from minority hiring issues and keep things all in house. Anyway, I see Pudge fleeing Detroit, although he's under contract for I believe two more years, next season and taking Magglio 'I have flulike symptoms' Ordonez with him. Just a hunch. Oh well, in a couple of weeks I can just forget about the Tigers and drown all my sorrows back into the Lions, then the Wings!!!!

comments (2) 08-24-2005

The People's Comments:

Colon gets lit up more than Dave Berg every time he pitches. Believe it or not, Detroit has the second best team batting average in the entire league, which makes trading away our best relief pitcher all the more brilliant.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...the Tigers will never be contenders until they spend the big bucks and resign former pitcher Jim Poole!

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