cdeezy's wit

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My sister drives me crazy (part one)

So I've been drafted into helping my sister learn how to drive. Our dad has already done most of the teaching but lately hasn't had time to ride with her while she practices and my stepmom... well, she's a mom, so she spooks pretty easily when it's her only daughter behind the wheel.

Now I'm not the type of soulless bastard that would put pictures of my sister on a website without telling her, especially on a site that Ingles visits, but I am the type of cruel brother that will tell you what it's like to ride in the passenger seat when's she's got the keys. I consider such an act as part of my civic duty to advise my fellow Washtenaw County residents of potential danger to which I may be a party.

Let's start with the car. It's a white, 2-seat Honda del Sol, mid-90's vintage and in great shape, with the exception of an exhaust that needs repair. Frankly, anyone driving a Honda that doesn't need a new exhaust must have had it replaced a couple of months ago, because those things rust out faster than Justin's sex toys. It's the only car in our family with a CD player, although my sister complains that it ''won't play burned CDs.'' Not only are the windows powered, but the back window is powered too. That's right, folks: the back window goes down because my sister's car is a convertible.

Before we take off, I ask her how comfortable she is with driving. I just happen to have a state map with me that's a full year older than she is. The picture of Blanchard and his now-ex-wife on the back of it kind of gives away the age. We start off heading west along Dexter-Pinckney Road. I don't think I've ever been on the road before, but my sister says she's been on it a couple of times. And, to prove her point, she takes a 30 mph turn at 45.

“Um, don't you think you took that turn a little fast?”

“We're still on the road, aren't we?”

And that's when I knew I had a challenge on my hands. You see, besides my sister, there are two people in the family who don't slow down for turns: my dad and my little brother. Dad does it because he was an amateur race car driver for several years. I used to drive like that when I was younger, but putting a car in a ditch my senior year of high school cured me. Sadly, wrecking two cars hasn't cured my brother.

As all of this is going through my head, my sister takes a 35 mph turn at 45, nearly clipping an oncoming car. The next thought that crosses my mind is that having health insurance won't necessarily keep me from dying. I start hoping that there are no more sharp bends in the road and fewer cars on the road. And then I look at the map, and a grin spreads across my face.

comments (2) 07-10-2005

The People's Comments:

Just remember, my piece of shit Honda got us to NYC and back...oh yeah, wait, it overheated in Toledo...nevermind...hey, how much dough I owe you...I know blowjobs would cut it...this time.

what do you want she a women driver.

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