coldcat's wit

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The East End Games

So the IOC totally fucked up this morning. Going into this selection process I looked at the candidates and thought, 'hmm, I may have save up some cash and take a trip to the 2012 Summer games. I've always wanted to visit New York, I've heard good things about both Moscow and Madrid, and I really enjoyed the time I spent in Paris when I was 17. So then they go and pick London. Seriously, that town is a dump. I went there after my trip to Paris in 1995.  It's rather dirty, very dreary, the food is actually WORSE than most people say, and unlike Paris, they don't let the homeless people try to earn extra cash by playing music on the sidewalk and subway so they just sit there looking depressing. Also, in a normal town when you walk along a crowded sidewalk and someone walks in the opposide direction and appears to be on course to run right into you, at some point before collision you will both veer out of the way. In London the limey jackoff will just run directly into you. Yeah, nice folks those Brits, and they are the ones who will be welcoming the youth of the world for 16 days in 2012.

So what can you expect if you do head to the games? Well, there are two good places to eat. . .in the entire nation. One is the McDonald's in Victoria Station the other is an Indian place a few blocks away. Speaking of eateries, across the street from Parliment, and down near the river is a handburger stand. This particular burger joint sets the world record for the most repulsive food ever served to a human. If you attend the games and want to eat, either bring your own food or take the 3 hour train ride to Paris.

Plus they plan on putting all the venues in the East End, the slums of London. You think New York would have put venues in Hell's Kitchen and Harlem had they won? Back in '84 did the organisers of the LA games say 'The shooting venue will be in Compton. . oh, and we strongly discourage athletes from wearing red or blue.' You know what they have in the East End? The Tower of London. What message does that send, putting events down the street from where the Duke of Somethingwich was beheaded in 1383 for cockblocking the king.

You know what else they have in that neighborhood? Cockneys. Seriously, that's where Cockneys are from. All these tourists are going to think they have to learn English to go there and when they arrive, everyone they meet speaks in some form of giberish.

The IOC couldn't have picked from some of the nicest places on Earth and they choose London. If it came down to London and Fallujah, I think my vote would have gone to the Iraqis, just based on the fact that folks in Fallujah tend to be nicer. Oh well, since the 2010 Winter games are in Vancouver, I guess the IOC didn't want back to back Olympics in English speaking countries.

comments (2) 07-07-2005

The People's Comments:

Maybe New York was REALLY pissed about losing... naaah.

Love that timing of this rant, big E.

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