And the next Deezies head coach is...
(joined in progress; DEEZIES SPORTS LIMITED PRESIDENT AND CCO CARSON L. RIZOR is at the podium)
CLR: Welcome everyone, and thanks for coming out. Let's get right to what everyone wants to know. The new head coach of the Deezies fa Sheezies...
...is C-Deezy fa Sheezy!
Now, I know you all have a lot of questions, and I'll be frank, I still have some too. And while I had hoped that we would be able to provide some of those answers today, the fact of the matter is that we have a game on Sunday, and there's still a lot of work to do. But we've made arrangements to hold a press conference after the Lions 0-32 game, and C-Deezy will be there, and he'll be able to answer all of your questions in his own words.
You're going to find the most powerful story coming from him, from C-Deezy. If you take this a step at a time, you're going to fall over backward, and in the end, you're going to find the most powerful, heartwarming story.
Wait 'til you hear the story of what took place while he was away. You're going to be absolutely impressed. It's a frightening thing that took place with him in the beginning, but he's turned his life completely around, just like he's going to turn this franchise back around.
That's all I've got for now. We'll see you on Sunday.