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Deezies week 5 post-game presser

(The camera focuses on Deezies Sports Limited media representative TY JACKSON, who is standing at the podium and clearly looking uncomfortable. The sounds of 1,500 schoolage children can be heard in the background. TJ begins to speak.)

TJ: Before we, um, begin this, um, press conference... I've been given this, um, prepared statement to, um, read on behalf of President Rizor. Um... (clears throat and begins to read) "My fellow Deezies fans... the long wait is finally over. We have looked long and hard, and have finally found a new head coach worthy to lead the Deezies fa Sheezies into the next era. We have found someone with the experience and track record necessary to turn this season around. I have been a longtime fan of Pacma..." (stops) I can't read this. This... this is CRAP! WE'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, DEEZY! WE'LL ALWAYS...

(Security officers rush the stage and carry TJ off-camera. More security officers enter the room, as Nelly's "Make It Rain" begins to play over the loudspeakers. The crew is about 30-deep when PACMAN JONES finally enters the room, followed by a dozen more security guards.)

PJ: What up, Ann Arbor! This is what it's like when Pacman's in charge! You know how I did last year, and I'm gonna do the same thing right here. I respect the Deezies and Iím not coming in like itís just a show. I want to prove that I am the greatest team-sport athlete! I understand my responsibilities to my teammates, the Deezies and my fans and I am committed to turning my life around and being a positive member of the FFF.

Q: Hey Pacman! What are you doing after this?

PJ: I don't know, man. What's goin' on?

Q: We were wonderin'... we're goin' out to the club later. You wanna come with?

PJ: Aw, man. I can't, guys. I gotta keep my nose clean these days.

Q: But we're going to a STRIP CLUB!

PJ: AWWWW... Man! No, no, I can't. I gotta be good if I'm gonna play football.

Q (in a sing-song voice): We're bring-ing guh-uhns!

PJ: OHHHH... what the hell! I'm in! Just let me go back to the hotel and grab my bag of singles. We gonna make it rain!


10-14-2008

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