The Deezies Afterparty, 9-19-07
(cue instrumental - 50 Cent, "In Da Club")
TJ: This is the Deezies Afterparty! Ty Jackson here, the host of the only show that takes a weekly look at the Deezies fa Sheezies. The Deezies have made it two in a row to start the season, winning a 182-128 decision over the Tornados in Fenton. This week, the Deezies return home to face the defending Fantasy Football Fever champions, Coach Townsend and the Dundee DolphinZZZZZZ. How will the Deezies fa Sheezies handle their first true test of the season? We'll get comments from Coach C-Deezy fa Sheezy himself, plus we'll answer some of your emails, in just a moment.
(fade out instrumental)
TJ: Thank you for joining us for this third week of the Deezies Afterparty, airing in syndication across the continental U.S. on the Deezies Sportsradio Network. (fade out instrumental) I'm Ty Jackson, in the studio with Coach C-Deezy fa Sheezy of the world-famous Deezies fa Sheezies... Holler at 'em!
("applause" sound effect)
CD: Yo, it's the player's playa, ya know what I'm sayin'? Cee-Dee-double-E-Zee-y'all know why.
TJ: Deezy, let's get right to it! You took the team to Fenton and came back with a win. Take us through the highlights!
CD: Yo, we went up there with a gameplan and executed it to perfection, cuz that's how we do! Yo, Coach Sims... this be his best team in years, no doubt! It was like playin' the old Sawyer Pilots up there, and when you add in all that emotion and excitement that comes from playin' at home... or at least near where they home used to be, cuz they still be rebuildin', but y'all know what I be meanin', yo... what I be sayin' is that they gave us everything they got and then some, and if we'd been any other team, they woulda had us, yo! But, yo, they don't call me C-Deezy fa Sheezy for nothin'! And the Deezies, we always be fa sheezy! So, yo, everything they did, we answered back and then some! Yo, there were so many checks, they shoulda opened a Cash 'N Go at the 50, yo! And after about 45 minutes, you could see that they was gettin' tired... they starters were tired, they bench was tired, they defense was tired, but yo, we kept on goin'! All those shuttle drills and suicides, we was ready! So it was open season, yo, and everybody ate! 182 points, yo! When's the last time you saw somethin' like that?
TJ: According to our records, it's the most points ever scored by the Deezies, and the third-highest score in Triple-F history. I've gotta ask, how do you keep the momentum going into this week?
CD: How you think we gonna do it, yo? We gonna keep doin' what we been doin'! You see, all these other teams, all they coaches... they late to the game, yo! They just gettin' started! Me, I been doin' this three months straight now! And I ain't 2-and-oh, yo! I be 5-and-5 right now, and that's five losses too many! But yo, losin' all those games up north, that taught me somethin' yo. It taught me that I wasn't ready like I thought I was. I wasn't ready, the team wasn't ready, and we got our asses handed to us every time it counted. So I made me a vow. I vowed that we wasn't gonna get done like that again, no way, no how! Never again, yo! So these past few weeks, I been in the lab, drawin' up plays, runnin' simulations, gettin' my game on. So how we gonna keep goin'? We gonna keep goin' cuz we cain't be stopped! We got the personnel, the schemes, and the know-how to score 200 points a game! 250 if we have to!
TJ: That's a bold claim to make, especially when you consider that your opponent this week, the Dundee DolphinZZZZZZ, were only giving up 100 points a game on average last year, and already this year held the Tom Wopat Fan Club under 100.
CD: Yo, that's history, and we still writin' it, yo! 150 points a game! That's all they doin'! Last I checked, 180 was more than 150! So correct me if my math be wrong, but, yo, that means they gonna be losin' by 30! I'mma tell you this... I respect Coach Townsend. He done did a fine job takin' the DolphinZZZZZZ to they title. Right now, they the champs, and ain't no two ways about it. But just as important to us, to everybody who still Deezy, is that to get to that championship, they beat us. Twice. So you think I forgot about that? Hell no! So I'm glad they ain't lost a step. I'm glad that they still look like they did when they took the title... cuz it's gonna make it that much sweeter when we beat they ass on the field. And anybody watchin' the game, seein' what we do what everyone's callin' the best team ever, they gonna be like, "Damn! The Deezies be fa real, yo!" Cuz if we can put 200 on tha DolphinZZZZZZ, there ain't no other team on that level, word life!
(fade in instrumental)
TJ: I hear ya, Deezy! And right now, we gotta hear from some advertisers, but we're gonna be right back with more from Coach C-Deezy fa Sheezy. This is the Deezies Afterparty on the Deezies Sportsradio Network.
(fade out instrumental)
(cue instrumental; pre-recorded comments from ??)
TJ: We're back with the Deezies Afterparty. (fade out instrumental) I'm Ty Jackson, still here with the coach of the Deezies fa Sheezies, C-Deezy fa Sheezy. Let's go right to the email, starting with Bryan from Sherman Oaks, California. He wants to know how you got started as a coach in the triple-F.
CD: Yo, you gotta remember, when I first came in this league, I ain't have nothin'. I ain't have nothin' but a bad ankle and a disability check. I hadn't never been no coach... hell, I ain't even played the damn game since elementary, yo! So when Carson called me up outta nowhere, I was like, yo, you must be lookin' fo' some other C-Deezy fa Sheezy, cuz you got the wrong thug here, yo! But, yo, Carson, he 'a big fan a' mine from back in the day, and he'd heard through the grapevine that I was gonna be out of action for a few months while my ankle healed up, you know what I'm sayin'? So, yo, he called me up and made me an offer I couldn't refuse. I mean, the damn team' named after me, yo! It ain't like you got the Coach Pool Fan Club or the Dundee Townsends... closest team name they had was Team Trenkle, and y'all see how long that lasted, yo! So, yo, to do what I done did, comin' from where I come from? I'll put that up against anybody in the damn league, holla!
TJ: Okay, we've got another email, this one from Eric in Mount Morris, Michigan. He wants to know how you prepare for some of the bigger games, for example, this weekend's game against the Dundee DolphinZZZZZZ.
CD: Yo, I be gettin' in they head. I get in they head, and I set up shop. I get myself a nice, comfy sofa... I get myself one of those big-ass TV screens... and I get myself a whole bunch of junk food. I'm talkin' the nasty stuff... you know those WOW chips? I stack up on those, yo! And those creme-filled sponge cakes that you get at the dollar sto'? I get mad packs 'o those! And then I order more food. I get a whole buncha pizzas. I do that Domino's 5-5-5 deal! I do that Pizza Hut Mia! deal! I do that Little Caesar's Pizza! Pizza! deal! Cuz when you a coach, you gotta be hungry. You gotta be hungry all the time. You gotta want it more than the next man! So, yo, I'm in they head, and all I'm doin' is watchin' TV and eatin' junk food. And that's when they start talkin' 'bout me, cuz I'm on they mind... I'm on they mind, watchin' TV and eatin' junk food. And after a coupl'a hours a' that, I gotta take care of bidness, you know what I'm sayin'? So I find myself some nice readin' material, I drop my draws around my ankles, and now I'm up in they head, just squattin'. I'm takin' a dump in they head... the nasty, runny stuff... and they be like, "yo, why'd I just think that?", and it's cuz I be puttin' that crap on they mind, just squattin'... and then I flush, cuz you gotta flush, yo! And they can't figure nothin' out... they eyes be waterin', and they nose be runnin', cuz I forget to jiggle the handle sometimes, you know what I'm sayin'? But, yo, that was just a courtesy flush, cuz I'm still squattin'... I gotta let it all out... I gotta clear out my system... so I'm poppin' laxatives, I'm chewin' bran cakes... and then my phone rings, so I'm up in they head, takin' a call. I'm squattin' and takin' a call, cuz I keep they heads ringin', you know, ring-a-ding-ding-dong, and then I remember, I still gotta big ol' box of Ding Dongs that I ain't eat yet, and I'm still hungry, cuz you always gotta be hungry, so I say, "yo, I gotta put you on hold, cuz I gotta eat these Ding Dongs", and they be like, "what you talkin' 'bout?" and I say, "yo, it's a Deezy thang," and they be all like, "bet." So I put 'em on hold... I put 'em on hold and start lookin' for the toilet paper, cuz I gotta wipe before I get up, cuz I been squattin', and I cain't see cuz it's all hazy in they head... it's hazy cuz there ain't no ventilation, and I cain't see, so I start lookin' for a light... I'm lookin' for some kinda light up in they head, cuz that's where I be... and I find me some matches, some'a those waterproof ones, that you be keepin' for an emergency... and I pull one out, cuz it's an emergency, cuz I cain't find no light... so I take the match, and I take the matchbox, and I light that match, and BOOM!@ I just blew they mind, yo! Cuz that's what the Deezies do! We be blowin' people's minds, fo' sho'!
TJ: There's nothing I can say that can follow that, Deezy! We're gonna take a minute to pay the bills, and then Deezy's gonna step into the booth one more time for the freestyle. You're listening to the Deezies Sportsradio Network.
We're experiencing technical difficulties with some of the audio from this week's Deezies Afterparty. While we continue our efforts to provide a transcript of the broadcast, we can provide you with this piece of audio. And remember, you can hear this week's sold-out game against the Dundee DolphinZZZZZZ live, here on the Deezies Sportsradio Network!