The Deezies Afterparty, 9-5-07
(cue instrumental - 50 Cent, "In Da Club")
TJ: This is the Deezies Afterparty! Ty Jackson here, the host of the only show that takes a weekly look at the Deezies fa Sheezies as they begin another quest for the Fantasy Football Fever championship. Last year, the season was cut short with a heartbreaking semifinal loss to the eventual champions, the Dundee DolphinZ. Coach C-Deezy fa Sheezy has vowed that this is the year of the Deezies, so will this finally be the year that they put it all together? We'll look at the team and the obstacles in just a moment.
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TJ: Thank you for joining us for the Deezies Afterparty, the first for 2007, airing in syndication nationwide on the Deezies Sportsradio Network. [fade out instrumental] I'm Ty Jackson, and joining me again this year is the man you all know and love... he's a former wrestler, future movie star, and the one and only coach of the Deezies fa Sheezies... my man, C-Deezy fa Sheezy!
CD: Yo, yo, yo! Deezies still in the floppity-floo! The best to ever did it, so, yo, we gonna get it, word life!
TJ: C-Deezy does it big every year, and this year's no different, as you made some major moves during the offseason. Tell us about the movie!
CD: Yo, the movie's called THUGTASTIC!, and it's gonna be at a theater in yo' hood on October 12th. I'm the star, no doubt, so you know it's gonna be D-O-P-E. I play this guy, Leroy Jefferson, he just got back from doin' time, and he's goin' back to the hood for the first time in years, and, yo, first day he back, one of his homies gets gunned down, yo, so he start lookin' for the payback, and that's when you find out that he mighta did a bid, but he ain't exactly been locked up that whole time, cuz he was part of an experiment that turned convicts into these crazy-ass super-soldiers that the government would take and drop off whenever they needed to shut things down, ya know what I'm sayin'? So, I'm tellin' you, go see this movie, cuz you gonna see some things you ain't never done seen before, on the real!
TJ: That sounds like a movie for the peeps! How'd you get hooked up with a project like that?
CD: Yo, I gotta give props to my man Twan... me and him used to run in the same set... Hikone, holla!... yo, he reached out to me while I was in detox... six months clean, y'all! Twan was like, I'mma send you this script, and I was like, "yeah, whatevah," but then I ain't have nothin' else goin' on, so I read it, and, yo, I couldn't put it down! So I finish readin' it and, next thing I do, I call Twan up... and he's on the west coast, but he know it's like three in the morning where I'm at, and I'm hyped, yo! Just goin' on about how I don't care what I gotta do, but I gotta be in the movie. And Twan, he thought I done fell off the wagon, cuz he was like, "yo, call me back when you're sober," and I'm like, "I'm clean, yo!" I had to call him like five times before he said I could do it! So, yo, once they let me out the clinic, I flew out to Van-coo-ver, signed the papers, spent about two months out there, and sha-ZAMM! C-Deezy be a bona-fide action star, yo!
TJ: True, true. Now, you spent a lot of time in Canada this summer. What was it like coaching in the frozen north?
CD: Yo, that was like a whole 'nother world, ya know what I'm sayin'? I wasn't even gonna do it, but then the schedule worked out, so I was like, yo, I'm in. You see any of the games?
TJ: Uh, no.
CD: They ain't playin' the same game up there, yo! They don't stop for nothin'! You only get one timeout each half... that's crazy! And some of those guys, they be goin' both ways... man, I didn't even know guys could go both ways, ya know what I'm sayin'? And I still don't know what the hell a slotback is supposed to do! So, yo, I learned a lot about different positions and formations, and I brought some tapes back wit' me, so we been tryin' some of that
TJ: Okay. Let's get to what everyone's been talkin' about, the video that popped up all over the internet... were you surprised at how much attention it's gotten?
CD: Yo, it ain't nothin' new. Ain't a coach in the league that ain't watchin' our every move just to see what we do next, so I just made it easy to do. We always the talk of the league, cuz we on that next level. They be like, "Yo, where's Deezy?," but they cain't see me, cuz I'm on anotha level, and then when they finally get to my level, I take it to tha next level! And by the time they figure out where I be, I done already changed the game, yo! That's why they all got they's panties in a bunch, talkin' 'bout C-Deezy said this and C-Deezy threatened that. Yo, I ain't make no threats!~ All I done did was put every team in the FFF on notice, that the Deezies are takin' over in 2007. We comin' for that number one spot, and that ain't no threat, that's a promise! Holla!
TJ: The message hasn't been lost on Pacman Jones, just announced as the head coach of Vic's K9 Kennel Club. He had some harsh words for you at his press conference. What you got to say about that?
CD: Yo, they wanna throw away they season on a d-back that ain't done jack, that's their bidness. He ain't neva walked the walk, so he ain't even on my radar, yo. How many games he won last year, yo? He was on Touchdown Burger, and they went from makin' the playoffs to takin' a layoff, on tha real! How you gonna be on a team with T.O., Drew Brees, and Mike Vick and only win two games? And now he think he a head coach? And somebody gonna gas him up and let 'im? That's like bringin' a chewtoy to a dog fight, yo, and he ain't hungry like me, fo' sho!
TJ: Coach C-Deezy fa Sheezy, here on the Deezies Afterparty! And if you're listenin' and got a question for Mr. fa Sheezy, send us an e-mail at deeziesafterparty at yahoo-dot-com. This is the Deezies Afterparty on the Deezies Sportsradio Network. [fade out instrumental]
TJ: We're back with the Deezies Afterparty. I'm Ty Jackson. here with C-Deezy fa Sheezy... Deezy, let's talk about the team. While there are some new faces, there are a lot of familiar players that will be wearing a Deezies uniform this season. What's your confidence level going into this Sunday?
CD: Yo, I cain't balee who we was able to get for the team, yo. Westbrook and Holt, they ain't been with us for a minute, but you know they down. A lot of teams passed on Torry because of his surgery, but he's a 1st-rounder any other year, and it ain't like he tryin' to catch the ball with his knee, yo! And Steve, I thought for sure he wasn't gonna be able to come back for another year, but we made it happen, and he's gonna get 1st-round money when we make the playoffs. We even got his cousin, little Stevie, to try out for the team. He's signed to the practice squad right now, and he's gonna be a playa to look out for, on tha real!
TJ: I gotta ask you about the elephant in the room: T-J Houshmandzadeh. You two had some major heat last year, and now he's one of your starting wideouts. Have you resolved your differences?
CD: I ain't gonna lie, Ty. When those guys pulled that stunt last year, it really hurt, yo. And knowin' that T-J was involved, that was the worst, cuz we gave him his first start in the league, way back when. It's one thing when the dude don't know you, but we'd hit the clubs together, so it was like a betrayal. But, yo, we both got jobs to do, and we both professionals, so me and him had a sit-down, talked like men, and we on the same page... we gonna get that Fantasy Football Fever trophy.
TJ: The season starts this Sunday against Duckett/Stanton, a team that the Deezies have developed quite a rivalry with. How well do you match up?
CD: Yo, you seen they team? They got some talent, but they ain't got no depth. It's gonna be tricky, playin' them at they home in the first week, but it's all about who want it and how bad. We gonna be ready for whatever they got, and I cain't say the same for them. It's gonna be like a top-5 college team goin' against some double-A scrubs. They just a warm-up, yo!
TJ: We've been gettin' a lot of emails, so let's get right to 'em. Clint from Los Angeles wrote in to say, "I saw the video and loved it, but you looked a lot smaller than you used to, especially when you look at your old wrestling videos. Do you have AIDS or something?"
CD: Yo, I ain't got no damn AIDS! Yo, when I was wrestlin', it was all about size, so, yeah, I bulked up a little then, and, yeah, it came off when I stopped workin' out because of my ankle, and I didn't bother to put it back on cuz by then I'd made the trans-i-ition to coachin' football. And, yo, y'all remember, I couldn't eat for a few weeks last year because of my teeth! I had to sip through a straw, yo! And when I was in detox, all they had were these little aerobic weights, so I couldn't do my normal benches, yo! That's all it is! It ain't no disease! Yo, it ain't really healthy to carry around that much weight if you ain't gotta! So I been eatin' right, gettin' my fruit on, and I'm in pretty good shape right about now, on tha real.
TJ: Good to hear, Deezy! We got another one, this one from Bob in Windsor. He says he's a big fan of what you did in Canada and is wondering what you think of some of the other leagues that have popped up recently.
CD: Bob, good lookin' out, yo! They talkin' about doin' 12 games next year, so we might be comin' to yo' hood next summer! Yo, as long as my money's right, I'mma go wherever the competition is, and right now, it's in the FFF. Ain't no other place where I can go head-up with some of the best football minds in the world. Yo, I could pad my resume goin' against amateurs, no doubt. I could start my own league, maybe get rid of all the defensive players, then maybe have two quarterbacks out there so I could boast that I'm the best because my team always scores 300 points a week or somethin' ill like that. I could even get a bunch of internet geeks to write about it and call it "self-syndicated." Yo, I ain't hatin'. We all gotta get that paper, and ain't nobody else gonna feed my kids. All I'm sayin' is that you cain't just hang around those Mickey Mouse leagues and claim to be the best. Sometimes you gotta man up and prove it, no matter the cost.
TJ: The one and only Coach C-Deezy fa Sheezy, with words to live by here on the Deezies Afterparty. We gotta pay the bills, and then we'll close out the Afterparty with somethin' special. You're listening to the Deezies Sportsradio Network.
TJ: We're getting ready to wrap up the Afterparty, but first, we've got the segment that you've all been waiting for... Now, Deezy, let me get this right... you say this *isn't* a freestyle?
CD: Yo, this is more than a freestyle, on tha real! I wrote this while on the way to Vancoo-ver for some Thugtastic reshoots, and if y'all saw the video, y'all already got a taste of what I'm callin' the Deezies Anthem. This is what you're gonna hear at every tailgate party, at every sports bar, anywhere you can see true players play, yo! We gonna press it up and give it away to anyone who comes out to see a Deezies game. We gonna play it on the loudspeakers before every game! And, yo, I'mma spit it live on tha radio for all y'all listenin' at home, so y'all cain feel what I feel, and know what I know, that the Deezies are takin' over in the oh-7, and cain't nobody stop us!
TJ: Well, alright! Deezy's gonna step into the booth and hit us with the world premiere of the Deezies Anthem! Deezy, you ready?
CD: Yo, check my levels!
TJ: They're lookin' good! Take it away!
CD: (cue "Takeover" instrumental) Yo! Deezies Afterparty! 2007!...
C-Deezy fa Sheezy, I run this league, yo!
Coach Trenkle, ain't in my league, no!
Coach Sims, ain't got no team, yo!
Coach Townsend, I'm comin' like repo!
Mr. fa Sheezy, I do this for my people
I be's number one, ain't no one equal
16-and-oh, yeah, I' be makin' that call
'07 is the year we be takin' it all
Who gonna stop us? Sparty Has-been?
Coach Trenkle gonna need hisself some new friends
Usin' third-stringers, Drew's already injured
You gonna be first to kiss my pinky ring-uh
And Coach Sims ain't nothin' but a two-night stand
I'mma leave you Barry, with your head in your hands
It's clear you ain't the creme... what, you desperate?
Don't needle me, Sims, you don't wanna test this
Coach Townsend, you 'bout to have an off year
Ya bettah recognize that the champ is here!
Yo' career is over, now you takin' orders
I want fries... and a soda!(c'mon!)
Deezies fa Sheezies, we run this league, yo!
Even Coach Pool know we don't cheat, no!
And it ain't no hate crime... Coach Preseau
When Gay-tanamo Pep Squad get they ass beat, yo!
Coach Roth, he be virgin meat, so!
He only get one chance to eat, yo!
Coach Mooch, he sleepin' on the streets, po'!
("Watch out! We run New York!")
Yo, I heard Coach Pool say he ain't been beat
Claimin' he the champ like it's 2000 and 3
So I'mma break it down so that y'all all can see
Who really be the true c-h-a-m-p
Now you did beat your cousin, that was a fluke
Cuz after you beat the Dolphins, Coach Pimpke beat you
And that's (laaaaame), becuz the week before,
The Deezies beat the Indians, yeah, check the score
Cuz it's (truuuuuue), we did the same to you!
The very next week, so you oh-for-two
Against the Deezies in the playoffs (ooh!)
And you can't be a loser and a champion too
Cuz it's (laaaaaame), when you change your name
and move out to California, cuz ya still the same
You hear that, B-Dub? Your wifey scream my name
And we ain't playin' hockey (come on!)
Deezies fa Sheezies, we run this league, yo!
Coach Young, he runnin' from this league, go!
Coach Pifke knows he cain't compete, so!
Tin Indians just be feedin' my e-go!
Vick's Kennel Club, they be illegal
White Lightnin', your wife's a sweet girl (whoa!)
I'mma watch that tape that we shot last week (fo' sho'!)
("Watch out! We run New York!")
Now they's six teams left, so where do I start?
Yo, it don't matter cuz I'll tear 'em apart
Chew 'em like a shark, so stay out the water
It's 2007, so, yo, we even harder!
Wait a minute, yo, C-Deezy gotta know
Why the hell they need a Pep Squad at Guantanamo
Coach Preseau won't tell~, so I cain't ask
But he betta make sure that they don't run outta Tampax!
The Deezies beat they damn ass, holla if ya hear me
We got fans from Minnesota all the way down the Mississippi
Coach Roth be a newbie, here's one for your cheat sheet
It's gonna be 18 and life before you beat me!
~ Pifke's still tryin', it's been three years
You never gonna do it, so why are you here?
You should do like Coach Young and change yo' career
Or do like CrashNet and just disappear
I'mma eat you chumps like you government cheese
Just ask Pac-Man, he don't want it with Deez!
Then I'mma solve a problem of two half-coaches
Even though they suck, we gotta fill those quotas,
Make 'em share a team, put it on the West Coast
Then connect at L-A-X, but your wifeys know this
They on the tarmac when my plane approaches
And I'mma grab them cakes, I ain't meanin' Hostess
Ain't even gotta go thru se-curr-ity before I get it
Just ask the stewardess, she'll tell you whurr I did it
Up in the cockpit, playin' with the switches
The way she let me hit it, I'll never call her misses!
Finish up my visit ~ no, I didn't forget
I got one more coach that I ain't served yet
Mr. Unimportant, a-k-a Coach Chiquet
NAH, you ain't worth it! ("C'mon!")
Deezies Afterparty!... From September to December... you betta remember... The Deezies ALWAYS be fa Sheezy... yo... first y'all got a sample... now y'all got a handful... Duckett/Stanton, I'mma make y'all an example! Word life!
TJ: C-Deezy fa Sheezy, keepin' it on point! I'm Ty Jackson. The Deezies fa Sheezies open the season this Sunday on the road against Duckett/Stanton. If you can't make the trip, make sure you listen to the game live, here on the Deezies Sportsradio Network. And don't forget to join us here next Wednesday for another edition of the Afterparty! One love!