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The Deezies Afterparty, 10-31-06

OPENING TEASER

(cue instrumental - 50 Cent, "In Da Club")

TJ: This is the Deezies Afterparty! Ty Jackson here, the host of the only show that takes a weekly look at the Deezies fa Sheezies. The Deezies picked up their first road win of the season in Munger, dropping Team Swamp Balls to the tune of 108-to-96. DeShaun Foster and Steve Smith scored on the ground for the Deezies, while Marques Colston lit it up twice through the air. This week, the Deezies return home to face Gas Construction, which has lost three in a row since announcing their move west. We'll talk to Coach Deezy about the win, the homecoming, and a whole lot more, in just a moment.

FIRST SEGMENT

(cue instrumental)

TJ: Thank you for joining us on this Halloween edition of the Deezies Afterparty, airing in syndication across all 48 continental states on the Deezies Sportsradio Network. [fade out instrumental] I'm Ty Jackson, and joining me is the man with the master plan... C-Deezy fa Sheezy!

<"applause" sound effect>

CD: Yo, comin' from the seven-three-fiznour, it's the C-to-the-D, ridin' on double-e's, make 'em rewind like z-y, yo! Word life!

TJ: Now, I know all of you out there in radio land can't see this, but my man has got some crazy gear on right now!

CD: Yo, you know we gotta do it big every Halloween, so right now I got the grill, the band-aid... I'm a zombie Nelly, y'all!

TJ: Deezy, that was a great game on Sunday, but before we talk about that... there have been a number of questions and rumors about you, and also about some... uh, items... that you've been spending a lot of time with...

CD: (interrupting, agitated) Yo, let me put this to rest right now, playa! A lotta them cats been talkin' out tha' sides o' they mouths, makin' all they side comments... ain't no one wanna say it to my face, yo! They all be like, "they ain't really real, they fake, he just usin' 'em to hide who he really is and how he really be..." Yo, these cats been sayin' that ever since the first time they be seein' me wit' 'em. They ain't got no insidah information, they ain't got no proof... they just be talkin', yo. So, yo, here I am, live radio, Deezies' Afterparty, I'm gonna put these rumors to rest! So, right now, turn yo' radio up! If you gotta tape recordah cuz you be bootleggin' this, make sure you got yo' tape ready! If you out there trick-or-treatin', put down the candy and let the little boy go! If you out ridin' around wit' yo boys, pull ovah to the side so you can pay attention! If you talkin' on the phone, tell 'em you'll call 'em back, o' bettah yet, put that bling next to tha' speakah so they can hear me too! Right now, yo! All y'all listenin'? All right, here we go, yo... THESE CHAINS BE REAL, YO! (sound of chains clanking on table) That sound fake, yo? One hundred percent, 24-karat, Fort Knox-'em-out-the-box-Rick, pure gold! Y'all didn't have nothin' to say when Mr. T was wearin' 'em! My chain hang low, so what now, yo! I'm still iced out like what!

TJ: Uh, that's not... never mind. Let's talk about the situation at quarterback... you decided to go with David Carr over Marc Bulger, even though Carr lost his only start the week before, and he manages to turn the ball over three times before you pulled him out of the game. So the question is, are the Deezies done with David Carr?

CD: Yo, obviously D.C. found hisself in a precarious-type situation early on. I know we expected to get a lot more out of him than he showed us on Sunday. I gotta be real, yo... I shoulda rolled with my man Marc, cuz he brought us this far, and even though them Dolphinz pushed him around, up until that point, he ain't been nothin' but gold for us. And, yo, after we put Bulger under center, y'all saw how we done lit up those Swamp Balls. So, yeah, Bulger's gonna be our man from here on out, and I don't wanna say too much cuz we ain't spoke yet, but D.C. gotta know that he had his chance and he blew it, straight up and down.

TJ: Carr wasn't the only one who had problems hanging onto the ball in Munger. Steve Smith told reporters that he was through returning punts after fumbling a crucial one. Before we go to break, is he really done... and if so, who's going to take his place?

CD: Yo, Steve done earned the right to call that shot. And to tell the truth, I ain't even realize that we had him doin' that, yo! Steve puts in a lotta work, week in, week out. He flies out to Cali every Saturday, plays a full game out there, flies to wherever we be on Sunday, makes a few catches... and we had him returnin' punts, too? Yo, Steve don't gotta play special teams cuz he on a special team, fa real! We gonna let the rookies have they shot during practice, but we might have to go scoutin' and get somebody, yo!

TJ: The Deezies fa Sheezies are 4-and-4 heading into this Sunday's game against Gas Construction, [fade in instrumental] and we'll talk to C-Deezy about that game and more, after we hear from some advertisers. This is the Deezies Afterparty on the Deezies Sportsradio Network. [fade out instrumental]

SECOND SEGMENT

(pre-recorded comments from Deezies fa Sheezies rookie wideout/tight-end sensation "BIZ" MARQUES COLSTON)

MC: I've been put in a great situation to succeed, coming onto a team that definitely wants to win, has a lot of veteran guys... I just really wanted to get on the field and play and contribute in any way possible. The thing is to keep setting expectations and try to accomplish the new goals you set for yourself. This coaching staff gives a chance for someone to come in and thrive... everyone came in with a clean slate, and for me it kind of leveled the playing field. There was no bias when things started... The first few weeks a lot of teams didn't even know who I was.

(end pre-recorded comments)

TJ: That was Marques Colston, who had a monster game this past Sunday. Eight catches, 162 yards, and two scores... Deezy, it seems like this kid just gets better every week.

CD: Yo, Biz Marques be somethin' special, ya know what I'm sayin'? I ain't gonna take nothin' away from him, cuz he do it all on his own, but the truth is that we wuz the only ones willin' to give him a shot. E'erbody's lookin' at him now like he's the man, and by God, he's earned it, but those be the same cats that wouldn't even call him back when he wanted to come to they trainin' camp and show what he can do. That's why I'm the best coach in this damn league! Anybody can take an L-T or an L-J with a number one, but who they developin', yo? I'll admit, I slept a little bit, cuz we didn't bring him in until after the draft. If y'all remember, we had Watson and Joe Clodstink or whatevah his name wuz, cuz we wuz lookin' for two tight ends at the time and Biz wasn't sure which position he wanted to play, so he wasn't really on none'a the scoutin' reports, but he called me up and asked if he could try out for the team. And, yo... I ain't told him this yet, so this is some insidah ish... but dude was mad impressive! And Jimmy and me wuz on the sideline, watchin' him go, and Jimmy sez to me, "that's the next Chris Cooley," and I wuz like, yo, he a lot bettah than Cooley evah gonna be! And that ain't no knock against Chris... that's just speakin' on the kinda talent Biz had without even knowin' our system. So after he wuz done, I tried to play it cool, so I wuz like, "yo, you can come back tomorrow, but bring some game tape with you." Yo, dog, I musta watched those tapes a hundred times, ovah and ovah, just watchin' him play. He's gotta brotha that's still playin' college ball, and I'm tryin' to get some tape on him, too. You bettah believe that we gonna go afta him once he ready!

TJ: That's a little more than any of us wanted to know. So, Gas Construction... Shaun Alexander is still out, and Randy Moss has had a less than stellar year, but there's still two guys at running back that you should be very familiar with... Fred Taylor and "Fast" Willie Parker.

CD: Yeah, I know 'em. Mattah fact, I feel sorry for 'em, fa real, havin' to play for who they play for. I ain't nevah respected no Wislockis... not White Lightnin', and definitely not no B-Dub. Yo, you know you scrapin' the bottom of the barrel when you gotta bring in the brotha of the worst coach to evah take the sideline, yo! That's why they keep changin' the name of the team... like they in the Witness Protection program or somethin'... they don't want nobody to remember how bad they be! And all those sponsors that they be gettin'... KFC, Verizon, MySpace, Netflix, Waste Management... yo, they bettah be gettin' a huge tax write-off for givin' money to that charity case! No-talent assclown, tryin' to get me to catch a case ovah Alexander... I ain't gonna shake his hand, and he bettah not so much as look at our sideline, or it's gonna be more than a grand comin' outta my pocket, fo' sho!

TJ: Fair enough! And I'm sure you're gonna have more to say during the freestyle...

CD: No doubt.

TJ: ...but we've received word that Steve Smith, Larry Fitzgerald, Jerricho Cotchery, DeShaun Foster, and Leon Washington will all miss Sunday's game, and, right now, the oddsmakers have Gas Construction winning by anywhere between eight and ten points. How confident are you that the Deezies will win?

CD: Yo, as confident as I always be, playa! I ain't paid to whine and moan about who gonna be on the field and who ain't, I be paid to win! That's why I got these gold chains! That's why I got two hotties on my arm! That's why I drive a fly whip! And, yo, I ain't losin' to no Wislocki, no time, no place. Afta we through embarrassin' him, he gonna wanna go back to workin' retail, yo!

TJ: C-Deezy fa Sheezy, showing some confidence... and some might call it arrogance... heading into this Sunday's game against Gas Construction. You're listening to the Deezies Afterparty on the Deezies Sportsradio Network... we'll be back with the Freestyle, in just a moment.

FINAL SEGMENT

TJ: Deezies Afterparty... Ty Jackson, holdin' it down with C-Deezy fa Sheezy... and it's that time again... the Freestyle, only on the Deezies Afterparty... we're live... Deezy, go ahead and kick it!

CD: (cue "The Next Episode" instrumental) Deezies Afterparty! 2006! Time to go old school on that ass, yo!...

TJ: C-Deezy fa Sheezy, talkin' about an early Thanksgiving! I'm Ty Jackson. The Deezies fa Sheezies are home this week, taking on Gas Construction. Tickets are still available, so call the box office. And don't forget to join us here next Tuesday for another edition of the Afterparty! One love!


11-02-2006

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