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The Deezies Afterparty 9-5-2006

OPENING TEASER

(cue instrumental - 50 Cent, "In Da Club")

TJ:  This is the Deezies Afterparty!  Ty Jackson here, the host of the only show that takes a weekly look at the Deezies fa Sheezies as they begin their quest for the Fantasy Football Fever championship.  Last year, they capped what was by all accounts a mediocre regular season with another trip to the title game.  Will this be the year that they put it all together?  We'll look at the team and the obstacles in just a moment.

(fade out instrumental)

FIRST SEGMENT

(cue instrumental)

TJ:  Thank you for joining us on the debut edition of the Deezies Afterparty, airing in syndication nationwide on the Deezies Sportsradio Network.  [fade out instrumental] I'm Ty Jackson, and joining me is the one and only coach of the Deezies fa Sheezies... my man, C-Deezy fa Sheezy!

CD:  Yo, yo, yo!  Holla at ya' boy!  Deezies in the floppity-floo!

TJ:  Now, I know our listeners out in radioland can't see this, but my man's got some new chain goin' on!

CD:  Yo, playa, that's just how we do when we gets paid, yo!  I gots me some vintage B.A. Baracus links up in here!  Word life!  I'm talkin' 'bout some mad bank and more chain than a Cedar Point photo!

TJ:  What's that supposed to mean?

CD:  Yo, I don't even know, ya know what I'm sayin'?  Gotsta keep it real!

TJ:  OK then...  let's talk about the team you've assembled this year, starting with your number one draft pick, Steve Smith.

CD:  Yo, Smith's my boy!  He been down with us ever since he finished doin' his bid, ya know what I'm sayin'?  I remember his big brother Jimmy talkin' 'im up back in the day, so we brought him in for some tryouts and, man, shorty gots some moves, yo!  I remember that first game in 2004 when he broke his leg...  man, I almost cried like a little girl.  But Steve, he came back, and y'all saw what he did last year, yo!

TJ:  I hate to bring this up, but Steve did have a miserable performance in the championship game.  Did...

CD (interrupting):  Yo, let me stop ya right there, T!  If it hadn't been for Steve, we wouldn'ta been at the game, fa real!  Y'all gotsta remember that that was his first time there cuz he couldn't play two years ago.  I ain't got no doubt that Steve gonna be an MVP.

TJ:  Going to the second pick...  some experts had predicted that you would select either Torry Holt or possibly a running back.  What made you decide to select Larry Fitzgerald?

CD:  Yo, first I gotta say "Peace" to Torry...  I gotta lotta love for that dude, yo!  But that said, we already had a number one guy in Steve, and I just cain't see Torry playin' at number two for another season.  Dude's played too long and is too talented to not have another shot at being the lead guy, just like he was two years ago with those assclowns in the face paint.  Yo, get that money, Torry!  It's all good.  Now, Larry, he's a different type of baller than Torry.  He's a little bit taller, a little bit faster...  ain't got quite the moves, but Drew comin' back to the slot, yo, we gonna keep those Ds guessin'.

TJ:  You took the unusual step of drafting five running backs this year, apparently with an eye on replacing The Dominator and Old Westy.  Any thoughts on which of the five is going to step up to the plate?

CD:  Yo, I wanna send my my thoughts and prayers out to the Dominator...  homey, you gonna get through this, that's my word!   Yo, I gotta be real, we gots some question marks at RB.  Dillon's a top guy, but he cain't carry the whole load by himself.  We was lucky to get Foster from the Bullets...  Tatum's a good, strong kid, but he ain't really built for our system, and Foster's been here before, so that's gonna be a good trade all around.  We get a guy who can run and catch, and the Bullets get the Bell brothers to power their backfield.  Man, that's gonna be a good game in week five, yo!  Chester had a cup of coffee with us a while back, so he's gonna get an opportunity.  And then we got guys like Lewis, who missed a lot of games last year, and Travis, who ain't scored a damn thing since 2003...  yo, one of the things we done learnt is that you gotta keep your runners fresh, so we gonna try a 5-man rotation and see if that helps.

TJ:  We just have about a minute before we take a break, so talk to me about your defense and what Ray Lewis is gonna add.

CD:  Man, that's some crazy [*beep*] right...  oh, yo, I forgot we on the radio, yo!  Like I wuz sayin', yo, me and Ray Lewis, that's like havin' Nas and Jay-Z on the same track, yo!  Ain't nobody expectin' it and now err'body's talkin' 'bout it, yo!  We gonna shut this league down!

TJ:  Hey, we gotta kick it back to the stations for some announcements, [fade in instrumental] but we're gonna be right back.  This is the Deezies Afterparty on the Deezies Sportsradio Network.  [fade out instrumental]

SECOND SEGMENT

(cue instrumental)

TJ:  We're back with the Deezies Afterparty.  I'm Ty Jackson. here with Coach Deezy.  This year, the FFF owners voted to add two teams to the league and, by luck of the draw, the Deezies fa Sheezies will play both expansion teams twice this season...  starting this Sunday with their home opener against the Tin Indians.  Deezy, what effect will this have on your road to the playoffs?

CD:  Yo, ain't a damn thang changed, yo!  We still gotta win to play and play to win!  You cain't know how tough your schedule is 'til you play it.  Remember two years ago, when we added Pawtucket and Team Swamp Balls?  They weren't no joke, yo!  Look at Spartan Dominance...  they got mad talent on that team.  And the Tin Indians...  what if Pifke's been takin' some kinda super coachin' steroids and got good?  We cain't be the Fan Club and get a cheese schedule every year, yo!

TJ:   The Deezies open their home schedule this Sunday against the Tin Indians, and looking at the team, they have some faces that should be very familiar to you...  Matt Hasslebeck is the starting quarterback, Torry Holt at wideout, and someone who turned a lot of heads last year, Chris Cooley coming in at tight end.

CD:  Yo, let's get one thing straight, dog...  Matt Hasslebeck is a whiny little [*beep*].  He ain't got no business behind anybody's offensive line.  Chris made him look good last year, but he's gonna have his hands full keeping our guys from tearin' him a new one, fa real!

TJ:  So what you're saying is that you don't respect their passing game.

CD:  I cain't respect they game, period!  They ain't got nobody that can run at us...  Green's on, what, his third hip now?  Jones, Anderson, Dayne, who they got?  Nobody!  And I don't care how fast they wideouts be, cuz Hasslebeck ain't gonna have time to get a ball to 'em.  It's over!

TJ:  Fair enough.  What about on their defensive side?

CD:  What about it?  Okay, they got Tee McGee...  he might be nice with a tackle or two before he sprains his vagina.  I don't even know who those other guys are, yo.

TJ:  You sound pretty confident about your team's chances this Sunday.

CD:  Why shouldn't I be, man?  The only way I could feel more confident is if we was takin' on those -5 Charisma guys or whatever the hell they callin' themselves this week.  Holla!

TJ:  Then let me put you on the spot:  what's your prediction for the game?

CD:  Man, my prediction is that we whoop they monkey ass all the way back to Beef-A-Roo, fa real!  We gonna try some things out, make a little gravy, and get ready for the real playas, yo!  Word life!

TJ:  The one and only Coach C-Deezy fa Sheezy, here on the Deezies Afterparty.  We gotta pay the bills, and then we'll close out the Afterparty with the freestyle.  You're listening to the Deezies Sportsradio Network.

FINAL SEGMENT

TJ:  We're about to wrap up the Deezies Afterparty here, but first, my man C-Deezy is gonna step into the booth and drop some knowledge for us.  Deezy, how're you feeling?

CD:  Yo, I'm ready to go!  Drop the beat!  (cue "Patiently Waiting" instrumental) 
Deezies!  fa Sheezies!  Afterparty!  Here we go!...

TJ:  My man, you just killed it back there!  I'm Ty Jackson.  Deezies fa Sheezies' home opener this Sunday against the Tin Indians, and then you can catch us on the Afterparty again next Tuesday!  One love!  


09-05-2006

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