FFF: Deezies post-draft press conference
(An instrumental version of 'In Da Club' blares over the speakers as COACH DEEZY walks out to the podium)
CD: Yo, yo, yo, YO! Let's get this party started! I gots some Cris chillin' at the crib cuz that's how we do! Yo, what you got, yo?
REPORTER 1: C-Deezy...
CD: (interrupting) Yo, let me cut you off right there, yo! Y'all done missed the memo, yo! The name is changed cuz y'all cats was gettin' confused! When I was at the championship, half the crowd was chanting 'C-Deezy', half the crowd chanting 'Dee-zy'. We gonna stop the confusion, yo! 'Dee-zy, Dee-zy, Dee-zy!' That's what y'all gonna call me from now on, cuz it sounds like something is about to happen, yo!
REPORTER 1: All right then, 'Deezy,' some are questioning your choice of Domanick Davis over Peyton Manning. Do you have any comment on your choice?
CD: Hell ya, I gotta comment, yo! Let me axe you somethin', if you had to go into the deepest, darkest pit you could find, who you gonna want by your side, yo? I'mma want some trues I can count on, fa reela! The Dominator was there for us all season long, yo. I mean, I love LT like a brother, but The Dominator was pullin' just as much weight. Y'all know I value loyalty... that's why Seabass and the Smith Brothers are back for a third year! And if I gotta go into that pit y'all call the FFF, I don't want some pretty boy worrying about his fingernails, and if I cain't take LT, I'm takin' the Dominator, yo!
REPORTER 2: Deezy, what are your thoughts on Tomlinson going to Team Trenkle?
CD: Yo, like I said, I got nothin' but love for LT. He took us to the promised land last year, just like he said he would. I respect a competitor. I think he's gonna do good things this year, maybe even get Team Trenkle over .500 for a change. I know he wants to get 2000 yards on the ground, which would be damn hyphy, but I'mma tell you this, he ain't gonna do it against us! Yo, you in the green! Last question!
REPORTER 3: How are you preparing for your season opener against the Clifton Smitties?
CD: I ain't sweatin' it, yo. Coach Sims ain't had a hot team since they was Pilots. You see who they done took with the #1 pick? Clinton Portis? He ain't even a #3 pick, and you can quote me on that, word life! Yo, I'm about to head on up outta here and hit the clubs with my boys, but I got one more thing for y'all. Y'all remember how that punk bitch Hasselbeck jumped ship last year and didn't do diddly? Don't think just because I drafted his candy ass that I done forgave him already. Just ta let y'all know, he's serving a six-game suspension, effective immediately! Yo, we Audi 5000, G!
(The music starts again as CD steps away from the podium and exits the room)