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'Hey guys, I'm on self-spank probation right now, so could you turn the porno off? Thanks.'

So the Olsen Twins have reached legal age, leaving some people saddened at their loss of adolescence while giving others a new opportunity on the dating scene. The occasion was sadly marred by the revelation of Mary-Kate's eating disorder; by the time she was out of treatment, the window of, um, 'virgin' opportunity had passed. Of course, with all of the attention given to such a momentous, once-in-a-lifetime event, many of us overlooked the passing of another equally important occasion.

Of course, I didn't realize it until I read about her recent arrest, but Sydney Simpson has celebrated an 18th and 19th birthday. It's just as well, though. Would you really want to be 'that guy' when Daddy comes looking for his daughter after she doesn't come home on time?


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