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Wrestlemania 2000

Hey, it's St. Patrick's Day and I've already downed three green brewtarskys, why not write about the 2000 version of Wrestlemania?

In the past year leading up to WM, Steve Austin and the Undertaker went down to serious injuries, to the neck and groin.  And I guess I could make a blow job joke for that fact but I'm gonna take the high road dammit.  Triple H went to the top as champion and retired Mick Foley along the way.  By this point Stephanie McMahon entered herself into the picture as well, so now we had all the damn McMahons on our TV every week.  Goodie.

Wrestlemania 2000 (April 2, 2000)

We're live from Anaheim, CA at the Pond again.  Our hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.  Lillian Garcia kicks things off with the national anthem.  Back then she was a terrible ring announcer, but you know, how much can you complain when she looks like Lillian Garcia?

For this Wrestlemania, we packed 10-15 people into Jason Paul's room.  But that wasn't the half of it, as before the show they decided to have a 12-hour pre-game show, where they ran through the complete history of all the past Wrestlemanias.  So there were between 5-15 people in Jason's room for over 15 hours that day.  It was one of the most memorable days of my college life, for all the wrong reasons.  Like when that Amanda girl came in and jumped on CW's lap for some reason, crushing his groin area...or when we got that awesome deal from Godfather's Pizza.  What was it?  10 large pizzas for 50 bucks or something like that?  Damn I miss Godfather's.  Even the Goddess Claudia made an appearance that day.  Good times.

Match 1: D'Lo Brown & The Godfather vs The Big Bossman & Bull Buchanan

Ict-T raps the pimps to the ring, and apparently "pimpin' ain't easy, man."  He only said it like 40 times.  Kinda mediocre ho's in the corner for this one, too.  You'd think for Wrestlemania they would've found the really good looking strippers.  Anyhoo, the Bossman & his prison bitch Buchanan get the win after a Bossman slam/flying Buchanan leg drop on D'Lo.  Seriously, why would they purposely deflate the crowd like that?

Match 2: Hardcore Championship, 15 Minute Battle Royal

This was during Crash Holly's awesome run with the Hardcore title, where he defended the thing 24-7, leading to a series of funny moments where guys would chase him around the arena (and outside the arena) with their own ref and try to win the title.  It made the Hardcore title important again for awhile anyway, until the whole thing became such a dumb parody that the entire division was scrapped.  So the rules for this one are there's a bunch of guys in it and they got fifteen minutes to beat the hell out of each other, and whomever is champion at the end of the time limit is the champ.  Tazz is the big name in there, and he wins the title within the first 30 seconds.  Then it goes to several legends like Viscera, Headbanger Thrasher, all three Mean Street Posse members, and Funaki.  Funaki was responsible for the funniest part of the match, as the APA took out Viscera, but then threw Funaki on top for the pin!  Funaki, seeing he was about to get his ass kicked, ran the hell out of there!  Of course this match is famous for its botched ending, where Hardcore Holly covered Crash and the time was supposed to run out before the 3-count.  But it didn't, so the ref stopped the count at two and Crash kicked out.  But they still declared Hardcore Holly the champion.  Oops.  Crash won the title back the next night on Raw, so that was definately a frick-up.  Match was entertaining, anyway.

Match 3: Al Snow & Steve Blackman vs T & A

Trish Stratus...aawwhhh...awwgghhhh...whew, alright I'm better.  She looked different back then, way more muscular.  This was during Snow's partnership with Blackman, where he constantly tried to get a winning gimmick for the ol' lethal weapon, usually leading to hilarious results.  But not this time, as they bring a dwarf in a cheese outfit to the ring (their pseudo nickname was "head-cheese") and wackiness ensues.  This match blows, too.  All four guys just run around the ring and do random moves for ten minutes until T&A wins.  It doesn't matter how.  But Trish Stratus was out there, so it worked for me.

Match 4: Tag Team Champsionship, 3-Threat Ladder Match: Dudley Boyz vs Hardy Boyz vs Edge & Christian

Now this is what I'm talking about...it all started here for these guys, as the Dudleyz were the champs on the rise and the Hardyz and E&C were stealing shows with their high-flying crap they were doing.  So they threw all six guys in a nice ladder match and said "go kill yourselves, it'll be fun" and damn did they ever.  Jeff nails the swanton off the top of the HUGE ladder outside the ring, several tables get broken, Christian nails a suicide dive off the ladder in the ring to the outside, etc.  This match laid the groundwork for all the others that came afterwards.  E&C win by throwing Matt Hardy off a table on top of two ladders through another table and bring down the straps.  Awesome match. 

Match 5: Cat Fight: The Kat vs Terri Runnels

Suprisingly this is the only 1-on-1 match on the whole show!  And of course it's not a real match, just a couple of the broads rolling around the ring for a few minutes.  But that's not a bad thing.  The Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young at ringside?  THAT'S a bad thing.  Val Venis is the special ref for this, because his career was right where he wanted it to be.  Terri wins and then gets her leotard ripped apart but it sounds better than it actually was.

Match 6: Too Cool & Chyna vs The Radicalz

I've never had to type more "z's" that I have for this show (Hardyz, Dudleyz, Radicalz) I wonder why they don't do that anymore for guys?  I would pay a ticket to watch Chris Masterz in action, or the Highlanderz, or Gregory Helmz.  Anyhoo, The Radicalz (Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Perry Saturn and Dean Malenko) jumped to the WWF shortly before this, and that was pretty much it for WCW.  Yeah, they had another year or so but the writing was on the wall.  Guerrero, Saturn and Malenko make up the team, and this was during the height of Too Cool's popularity.  Chyna was in the match because...I have no idea actually.  But she gets the win over Eddie after a sleeper into a slam.  Right after this she joined up with Eddie due to his "Latino Heat" I guess.

Match 7: 2-Fall, 3-Threat, IC & European Championship: Kurt Angle vs Chris Jericho vs Chris Benoit

Kurt was our Olympic hero and the "Eurocontinental" Champion.  See?  Euro, meaning European, and Continental, meaning Intercontinental.  Before the match Angle talks with a clueless security guy and asks for extra security after the match, because when he wins he wants to go out into the crowd and celebrate, and "you'd be amazed how many people love me."  Damn I miss the old Kurt Angle.  This is another mat classic, as they decided to throw three of the best workers in the same match.  See, it wasn't that hard to come up with good ideas for matches, just stick some talented guys in there and it writes itself.  1st fall was for the IC title, which Benoit wins by pinning Jericho (flying headbutt), and the 2nd fall was for the coveted European title, which Jericho wins by pinning Benoit (lionsault).  Now that was an awesome story, as Kurt lost both of his titles without getting pinned once!  It worked great with his whiny character.  Angle would soon join the main event ranks and would win the world title within the next year.

Match 8: Kane & Rikishi vs DX (Road Dog & X-Pac)

Kane was good again, and he had Paul Bearer back.  Rikishi was fat and wore a thong.  X-Pac was worthless, and Road Dog was probably stoned off his ass.  This match was just a backdrop for another Pete Rose appearance.  And sure enough, after Kane pins X-Pac with the tombstone, the San Diego Chicken comes out to dance with Rikishi & Too Cool.  Kane is suspicious and attacks the chicken, but then Pete sneaks up from behind and tries to attack with a baseball bat!  Kane catches him, delivers and chokeslam, and Rikishi shoves his ass in Rose's face.  See, he paid his dues dammit!  Let him into the Hall of Fame, already! 

Main Event: WWF Championship, Fatal 4-Way Elimination Match:  Triple H vs The Rock vs The Big Show vs Mick Foley

Each guy had a different McMahon in their corner; Steph with HHH, Shane with Show, Vince (after a face-turn) with Rock, and Linda with Foley, who they brought back out of retirement for one night only.  Big Show gets eliminated in like five minutes after a rock bottom.  Foley ends up getting eliminated after a couple of pedigrees, and it's down to Triple H & The Rock.  That's when the McMahon bullshit kicks in, as Shane & Vince beat each other up for awhile, only to have Vince enter the ring and take The Rock out with a chair a couple of times, leading to Triple H winning the match.  First time a heel walked out of Wrestlemania with the title.  The crowd lets the WWF know how they feel about this turn of events by pelting the ring with garbage as Vince reconciles with his family.  At this time I hated this, and after watching it again...I still hate it.  You don't end Wrestlemania on a down note, I don't care if the guy was nailing the boss's daughter.  At this point the McMahon nonsense was way out of control.

Match of the night: Ladder match

Mark-out moment of the night: Jeff Hardy's swanton off the ladder

Summary:  An okay Wrestlemania.  There were a few classics, and some decent matches.  But that main event was such a stinker the way it ended that it made the whole thing feel like a bad show.  And the stink from Jason Paul's room after the show didn't help matters either.

***


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