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Wrestlemania V

For the past year Randy Savage was the reigning WWF champion, but they kept subtly dropping hints that he was getting a little sick of "mega-power" partner Hulk Hogan.  It was weird how they set up the impending spilt, as Hogan was starting to get lecherous around Elizabeth; he started using her as a manager, made goo-goo eyes all over her, and got between her and Savage whenever they shared the same ring.  And he was the all-american good guy!  Even back then I was like "Gee, Hulk's starting to walk a thin line here, I can't believe Macho hasn't snapped yet!"  Anyway Savage started getting more and more paranoid and during a live "Main Event" they did the famous angle where Savage was thrown out of the ring right on top of Liz.  Hogan of course carried her back to the dressing room to get help, leaving Savage by himself to get his ass kicked.  When Hogan finally returned (like 10 minutes later) Savage finally snapped and slapped him in the face, walking off and then nailing him with his title after the match.  The Mega-Powers Explode!

Wrestlemania V (April 2, 1989)   

We're live from Trump Plaza for the second year in a row.  I wonder why?  Maybe Vince put everything he had on black 17 and it came up red 23, so Trump made him come back.  Our announcers are Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura.  Sadly no Bob Euker this year; in fact they hardly had any guest celebrities this year.  Either the WWF was getting cheap or no one wanted to do it anymore.  On a related topic, Women's Champion Rockin' Robin sings "America the Beautiful."  She sucked as a wrestler, and as a singer she...sucked too.  So we went from Ray Charles to Aretha Franklin to Gladys Knight to...Rockin' freakin' Robin?  They couldn't find one of the Temptations or Dionne Warwick or somebody?

Match 1: Hercules vs King Haku

Hercules was a freshly-turned good guy here, as they did an angle where Ted Dibiase wanted to buy his own slave.  Yes, you read that right, and suprisingly no, they didn't get in trouble for it.  So Bobby Heenan sells Hercules to Dibiase, but of course Hercules was all "hey, Bobby, I don't think I wanna be a slave" but Bobby was all "tough shit, bro.  Deal with it."  The genius thing about it was that Heenan sold Hercules to Dibiase, but then when Hercules ran off and rejected the deal Heenan ran off with the money anyway!  More awesomeness from The Brain there.  Anyway, decent opener between the would-be slave and the former Islander-turned king, which Hercules wins with one of those back suplexes where he raises his shoulder at the last minute.

Match 2: The Rockers vs The Twin Towers

Hey, it's the show-stopper, the heartbreak kid, the main event, the...skinny blond dork with a mullet!  Shawn Micheals and Marty Jannetty (who somehow didn't manage to get fired before or after the show) make their Wrestlemania debut against the unfortunately-named Twin Towers (Akeem the African Dream and The Big Bossman) and have a good small vs big guy match.  The Rockers showcase all their sweet double-team stuff, while the Towers showcase their ability to sweat through their pants.  The Towers win after Akeem squashes Micheals.  I thought he was "Mr. Wrestlemania?"

Match 3: Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake vs Ted Dibiase

Dibiase makes sure to chat it up with Donald Trump before the match.  I don't see Ivana this year, were they divorced by this show?  Or did she not want to come because of last year?  Beefcake and Dibiase have a good match but both were upper level talent so neither could really lose here, as they took the cheap way out and did the double countout thing.  But it was a good ten minute match though, so whatever.  Brutus tries to give bodyguard Virgil a haircut after the match, but then remembers he's bald and realizing what an idiot he is, decides to take his own life by cutting his throat with his own scissors.  Ok, I made that last part up. 

Match 4: The Bushwackers vs The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers

Damnit, not the bloody Bushwackers.  The Rougeaus were into their "all-american boy" phase at this point, as their ultra-dorky "USA! USA!" rah-rah'ing and insincere love of our country was really funny and over the top.  It was really subtle how it started, as they were a generic good-guy team.  Then over the course of a few weeks they started carrying little miniature American flags to the ring, smiling a lot more than normal, and cheating to win.  The fans, catching on to what they were doing, started booing them mercifully.  All that was missing was a manager, and then Jimmy Hart came into the picture and the rest was history.  Anyway, the Bushwackers were dumb and they managed to win with a double-stomach breaker.

Match 5: The Blue Blazer vs Mr. Perfect

Oh hell yeah!  Owen Hart's first shot at stardom was of course, the Blue Blazer.  He wasn't a dorky superhero wannabe back then, just some masked newcomer that liked to flip around and junk.  And Perfect?  Holy shit was he awesome back then.  I wished they would've let these guys go like fifteen minutes but sadly it's reduced to like five.  But what they managed to squeeze into that five minutes was great.  Perfect wins with the perfect-plex.

Run DMC comes out to perform the "Wrestlemania Rap."  That wasn't too good.  They should've just done "It's Tricky" and been done with it. 

Match 6: Tag Team Championship, Handicapped Match: Demolition vs The Powers of Pain & Mr. Fuji

Demolition and the Powers (Warlord and Barbarian) were feuding for the last few months, and they managed to pull off a rare double-turn at the '88 Survivor Series, where heel Demolition got double-crossed by their manager Mr. Fuji, and the face Powers of Pain ended up taking on Fuji as their manager and became heels.  Demolition decided to put the belts up against all three, which ended up being a smart move, as if they could get Fuji in the ring they could beat him, not the Powers.  And that's pretty much what happened.

Match 7: "Rugged" Ronnie Garvin vs Dino Bravo

Jesus, what's more pointless, this match or my life?  Bravo wins this classic with the side suplex.  Garvin then takes it out on Bravo's manager Frenchy Martin with the Garvin stomp.  Damn Ron, don't take it out on Frenchy just because you were just a transitional guy for Ric Flair's title.  What?  Too inside?

Match 8: Strike Force vs The Brain Busters

Whoa, speaking of Flair, his fellow Horsemen are here!  The Busters were Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard, managed by Bobby Heenan.  And Strike Force were reuniting for this match, as Rick Martel was injured for the past year by Demolition and came back, only to have Tito talk him into teaming back up.  These two teams have a great match going, until Tito accidentally nails Martel with the flying forearm.  Martel then gets pissy, walks off and lets Tito get killed by the Busters.  Martel turned heel and would later become "The Model."  A couple weeks after this Martel did a funny interview where he said the reason he broke up Strike Force was because Santana "smelled."

Time for a special "Piper's Pit" where a returning Roddy Piper (well, he stayed retired for a couple of years; that's longer then most guys these days) interviewed fellow talk-show hosts Brother Love and Morton Downey Jr.  Brother Love comes down dressed as Piper, and Piper tears his kilt off.  Downey keeps blowing smoke in Piper's face, so Piper takes a fire extinguisher and blasts Downey with it.  This whole segment lasted longer than the main event.

Match 9: Jake Roberts vs Andre the Giant

Andre, like all big guys in wrestling for some reason, was deathly afraid of snakes.  A returning Big John Studd was the guest referee, and since Andre is evil now that makes Studd a face.  Andre smacks Jake around for awhile and eventually it becomes obvious the Snake's in way over his head.  So he heads out to get Damian, but when he does Andre nails Studd!  Then to make things more hectic, Ted Dibiase comes down and steals Damian and heads to the back!   After the chaos, Andre is DQ'd and Jake catches up to get the snake back and chase everyone off. 

Match 10: Hart Foundation vs Greg Valentine & The Honkytonk Man

Honky nailed Bret with the guitar during a match to set this up.  Valentine & Honky would later start teaming up regularly, as they gave Valentine a guitar and dyed his hair black to match Honky's.  It was even worse than it sounds.  Anyway, the Harts win after a megaphone shot to Honky by Bret.  Damn cheaters.

Match 11: IC Championship: Ultimate Warrior vs Ravishing Rick Rude

Warrior was still undefeated, taking the belt from Honkytonk and becoming really popular with each passing month.  This one was set up during a not-gay-at-all "super pose-down" between Rude and the Warrior, where Rude attacked him with a work-out bar.  Warrior tossed Rude around the ring for the most part, but Rude gets his shots in and Heenan trips up the Warrior for Rude to fall on top for the win and title.  This was shocking at the time.  No one gave Rude a chance, when I heard the Warrior host at school the next day I couldn't believe it.  Then I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for hours.

Match 12: Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs Bad News Brown

Damn Brown was cool.  Just an angry black guy that hated everyone, even fellow heels.  He was Stone Cold Steve Austin before Austin was.  Anyhoo, these guys brawl back and forth, giving Jesse the chance to rip on Duggan some more.  After a few minutes Brown gets fed up and grabs a chair.  So Duggan grabs his 2x4 and IT'S ON.  They have a nice little weapon fight, causing the double DQ.

Match 13: The Red Rooster vs Bobby "The Brain" Heenan

Oh balls, I forgot about the Rooster.  I won't even go into detail, let's just say Terry Taylor's crowning Wrestlemania moment including strutting like a chicken, sprouting spiked red hair, clucking like a moron and fighting a feable manager.  Rooster wins because the fans didn't throw garbage and feces at him during the match, I guess.

Main Event: WWF Championship: Randy Savage vs Hulk Hogan

The Mega-Powers EXPLODE!  I was rooting for Savage here by the way.  These two have a great match, probably the best main event in WM so far.  Elizabeth was at ringside in a neutral corner, and she wants to help both guys.  She keeps getting in the way and Savage finally snaps and pushes her away from the ring.  Damn, that looked a little too real for me...Savage was either a really good actor or Liz should've gotten counseling.  Anyway, Savage drops the elbow, Hogan "hulks up," big boot, leg drop, see-ya.  Hogan wins the title.  Me and Jesse Ventura aren't too thrilled with the outcome.  Great match though.

Match of the night: Main event

Mark-out moment of the night: There wasn't really one for this show.  Rude winning the title was kinda suprising though at least.

Summary: It's Saturday night and I've been typing for two hours about Wrestlemania V.  So that's where I'm at in life.  Good show though.

****


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