foley's wit

Foley's other column on cell phones, Caller ID, etc.
Nov 02, 2006

Hey Jailbreak, how about another Haiku?
Oct 24, 2006

My graffiti column
Oct 19, 2006

Barry Bonds, what else?
Apr 05, 2006

Our Lady Peace's new album
Sep 08, 2005

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My graffiti column

Thought you guys may enjoy my first-ever column which will run in Monday's edition of the Petoskey News-Review. It's sure to be the first of many shitty pieces I'll come up with. ENJOY!! While I’m glad local law enforcement found and punished those “punks” who all but destroyed the Benjamin Franklin mural painted along the side of our building, it left me thinking. I’m not too proud to admit this, but I like reading graffiti. I find it interesting, often comical. It’s all over. Heck, there may be some even in my own bathroom in my apartment. (If there is, it probably reads “Foley can’t write”) Sure, graffiti, as described by Wikipedia.com, is the application of media on publicly viewable surfaces and is a form of vandalism and is punishable by law in most countries and I don’t condone anyone to do it, but admit it, you can’t help but read it while you’re sitting on the throne at some Denny’s or shady sports bar when you don’t have a newspaper or an outdated ‘Popular Science’ to flip through, right? I like to look for names I might know sketched via a black Sharpie marker on the third bathroom stall from the out of order urinal. (I’ve found that graffiti is often better the further back you go) Perhaps I feel as if I should be defending their honor when I read “Joe Smith &*^% @#$%” or “For a good time call Jenny, 867-5309” when I’m at a rest area somewhere along I-75 or after I’ve had my sixth beer at Frank’s Press Box in Lansing while watching the Tigers. Graffiti can also be educational. I learned in high school —when I was a freshman — what the numerical significance of “420” was and what phantom gangs I should or shouldn’t join on the mean streets of Cheboygan. Thanks to these helpful people, I never joined a gang, graduated from Cheboygan High School with a 3.1 GPA and went to college instead where I learned to become a B- rate sports writer. I also learned, when I was even younger, that there’s now better way to express your undying love and affection for your girlfriend of two weeks than to spray-paint “Tommy loves Pam” on the overpass of some exit along I-94. Speaking of that overpass stuff, how does one go about doing that? Are they like those waitresses at Garfield’s and they’ve got that rare talent of writing upside-down, or do they put up scaffolding at 4 a.m. and quickly get their point across without a single person noticing? I wonder. I also wonder how many of those relationships are still going strong? After all, nothing would make me more blissful than seeing my name next to my old partners’ when I’m driving to work everyday four years after she dumped me because some other guy could afford to buy her an ‘85 Fiero rather than blow his hard earned cash while working at Speedway on a $22.95 can of semi-flat black Krylon. Some graffiti is better than others, some “artists” are often better spellers too. I like reading stuff like ‘MSU fotball sux’ or ‘Clint is a spewpid more-on’ while I’m three feet away from an otherwise white wall standing at the urinal. It’s a quicker message for me to digest than those carefully placed ads you can’t help but read now because they’re all up in your grill at the movie theater or the casino. Again, Wikipedia says graffiti is simply showing off the artist’s name and artwork and has been employed for other purposes as well, such as advertising or to spread social or political messages. It’s been employed all the way back to Ancient Greece as well as the Roman Empire. Wow, I wonder if there’s any evidence of someone scribbling ‘Augustus sucks’ on the Tarpiean Rock way back in AD-13? Like back then, I think graffiti will always be in existence in our society and there always seems to be an open canvas for it. Shoot, you can go online right now and create your own at www.GraffitiCreator.net. (I did, but I felt like a criminal and quickly stopped). Personally, I’ve never felt the need get my point across with a spray can along some wall of a tire factory or above the overpass on Exit 146, but some people do. I bet those people are the same type of people who go to McDonald’s and ask for a glass of water to go with their double cheeseburger, but fill up with Sprite instead. Then later, while in the bathroom, they’ll probably write something like ‘I got high with the Fry Kids,’ in ketchup. My point, if you give certain people an opportunity, a can of Krylon and a place, they’ll take advantage. Steve Foley is a News-Review sports writer who felt the need to produce this column. You may sound off to him at 439-9343 or sfoley@petoskeynews.com.


comments (2) 10-19-2006

The People's Comments:

spikechiquet:
Damn Foley...you rocxk

jailbreak:
Two thoughts came to mind when I read this article: (1.) I had no idea Cheboygan had mean streets! Unless you count Water Street. I almost got stung by a bee behind the Kingston Theater on Water Street one time... man, that would have sucked. I forget what movie I was going to see. (2.) I love the Garfield's reference! Those talented waitresses not only write up-side down, but sometimes use two... TWO crayons to write their name, which produces a mind-blowing 3-D effect! They were clearly schooled by NMU Art & Design. CHUCK WAS HERE

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