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Star Spangled Disaster
Jun 12, 2004

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Star Spangled Disaster

All right... Here it is, the debut post directly from yours truly, Nick "super intern" Kitchen. Overall, I'd consider myself to be a pretty easy-going kind of guy -- I don't have a huge temper and generally refrain from doing angry things, like starting mass riots or insulting Justin...err... Well, the riots part is true.. Anyway, from time to time I observe certain happenings that just tend to irk me, and you all in Net-land can look forward to me ranting about them on this spectacular site (cue pay raise)... It is a blog after all! Here is the topic at hand for tonight: The Star Spangled Banner... You've heard it, you know it by heart, and you love the ole girl.... A symbol of what makes us Americans! The problem is the trend that I've seen more and more these days. It's not the Christina Agulara-ization of certain verses that gets me-- I say put your own spin on the song.... The problem, to put it lightly, is the MOTHERFUCKING QUALITY OF THE SONG!!!!! Last weekend, I went to a ballet recital with my girlfriend to watch her little sister perform.. Before the gig got underway, a young high-school aged girl stepped onto the stage to show a little American pride.... Let me tell you, about three seconds into the "performance", I was ready to declare myself a Canadian--- I know what you're thinking, and it was THAT horrible.... What the hell do these people think that they are going to accomplish by murdering a sacred song and making a fool of themselves? Ahh, I know what it is, if little Suzie Sings-a-lot just believes in herself, she has the heart to make the Anthem a success.... "I bet if I go up there and just try my bestest, they'll be with me all the way and I'll be the most popular girl in the whole wide world, tee hee hee... (annoying ass smile)" In the immortal words of Dan Ackroyd, "Suzzie, you ignorant slut." Are these people not practicing, or are they just legally deaf? The most stomach-wrenching part of the whole song has to be ...."And the rocket's red glare." ....You know, the point where you can tell if a singer can sing, or if their vocal chords should have been confiscated backstage. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that if the Anthem sounds like a train wreck in practice, it's going to sound like an even bigger train wreck in public. Of course after her "performance", everyone reluctantly clapped in an attempt to not look like assholes, but it was just plain disgusting... If she was my daughter, I would have claimed ignorance... "Uhhh... uhhh.... I didn't know she was gonna sing... Uhh.... What's the National Anthem anyway... ahhh..." What's the National Anthem? The National Anthem is America's song for crying out loud!!! It's not some cheap class song to be performed at the local talent competition... And it gets worse... Tonight at game three of the NBA Finals, Anita Baker (a familiar name) decided to take a crack at it.... After it was through, I wanted to crack her... Seriously, it was horrible! Here was a professional singer, struggling to hit the high notes and butchering the song like nobody's business.... It really made me mad, that people knowingly go in front of an audience to sing this song, at the same time knowing they CANNOT sing it... I'm sure either of the girls that I mentioned have certain songs that they can sing well...umm... well it's possible... But it is quite irritating to hear such a special song killed, time and again.... We all have limits-- I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to reach my goal of becoming an Olympic weight lifter, not going to marry Pamela Anderson, and certainly not going to sing the Star Spangled Banner... Leave the delivery of America's most important song to those who can really deliver... -NJK


comments (2) 06-12-2004

The People's Comments:

tec:
Preach it man! Telling Suzie she is a good singer when she sucks is like telling Bobby he is right, 2+2=5 because you don't want to hurt his feelings... it does him and the world no good, cause he will never ever find what he IS good at, and what he can do to make the world a better place. By the way... you don't have to do this stuff to keep from 'getting it from the man'. If Justin is harrasing you, just let me know. LOL

crashnet:
Sing it, Man... get it... Sing it... oh nevermind!

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