cdeezy's wit

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Thoughts on Los Angeles

  • When I checked in for my flight online, it said that the flight was overbooked and they would need volunteers. So, in hopes of getting bumped and earning a flight voucher, I arrived at the airport three hours early for my flight. When the gate attendant finally showed up almost two hours later, she tells me that the flight is full, not overbooked, but she'll take my name down as a volunteer anyway. Sure enough, the plane is full... except for *one* seat... Right. Next. To. Mine. Gotta love Northwest.

  • Does jacking off in the airplane lavatory qualify for the Mile high Club, or does the door have to be open too?

  • I rented a car for the first time. I'm almost positive that my reservation was for a compact car, but the clerk says I've been bumped to a Mountaineer. I have no idea what a Mountaineer is, so I look on the list of featured cars on the counter. Of course, it's not listed. So I go out to the lot and find this freaking HUGE SUV. In white. ''At least it's not a Bronco,'' I say to myself.

  • Driving in LA is surreal. There's four or five lanes of traffic going each way, plus I was in an oversized vehicle, which meant that most of the little pissants were staying out of my way. But the best part, and I say this without irony, was listening to the radio stations. West Coast hip hop, baby! I couldn't go fifteen minutes without hearing a song featuring someone who was in someway associated with Dr. Dre. Hell, I even heard a World Class Wreckin Cru song I'd never heard before (''Surgery''). And the late night Julio G mix, including the Eazy-E tracks? California love.

  • Adult chicken pox sucks, but it only costs a quarter to park on the street near USC.

  • Probably the oddest thing about going to RVD's 5-Star Comics, besides that I was the only customer there, was the guy behind the counter telling me that he didn't know who RVD was before he started working there. He did know his comics, though.

  • So if I park for 15 minutes in the lot by the hotel, it's $2.75, but anything longer than 15 minutes is $20?! WTF?!?

  • The only reason I discovered the above was because I thought I had a staff dinner at 4pm. Of course, no one bothered to call and tell me that they'd decided to cancel, so not only did I waste my time driving from south LA to the hotel, but I had to pay $20 for roughly 30 minutes of parking. Oh well, it's their money.

  • The room is OK. There are some nice touches, like soft headboards, neck pillows, and a patio. I doubt anyone famous has been in this room. Why would a celebrity stay in a room with two double beds?

  • Internet through the TV (which is what I'm using to type this) sucks the long ball. The keyboard is slow, the fonts are too small, and it wipes out on pop-ups. Oh, and the ''mouse'' sucks too.

  • Since I'm in room 711, I wonder how many phone calls I'll get asking me if I serve ''Slurpees.''

  • ...and how many of those calls will be from guys?

  • ...named Justin?

  • The Steve and Barry's in Ontario Mills is freakin' awesome. I mean, it's huge. I also tried to go to the one at The Block @ Orange, but it was closing when I got there. The Block is pretty freakin' awesome too, for the record.

  • There are a LOT of homeless people in LA, even in Santa Monica. To me, it's almost like Toronto, but with fewer business-types walking the streets. Speaking of walking, I almost nailed Chris Kattan with my SUV. He was walking near a beautiful woman, but I don't think he was *with* her, if you know what I mean.

ADDED:

  • I don't know what the big deal about Rodeo Drive is. It looked like a side street to me.

  • I don't know if I should admit this, but I am now the owner of a Pavilions shopping card. I was looking for a place to eat, wandered into Beverly Hills, and it was the first place I saw that wasn't a gas station. For the record, I bought a box of Vanilla Creme Frosted Mini-Wheats, a pint of milk, and two Snapples.

  • Jay & Silent Bob's Secret Stash was twice as cool as RVD's 5-Star Comics, but what was really odd was that both stores were playing clips from Kevin Smith's movies.

  • Driving the freeways on weekends was not as fun as it was on Wednesday. For whatever reason, the right-hand lanes were the ''fast'' lanes while the left-hand lanes slowed to a crawl. I thought it was an influx of senior citizens, but it was actually an entirely different demographic that starts with ''M'' and rhymes with ''Exicans.'' Of course, I was on the 5, so I should have known.

  • Speaking of which, why didn't we just build the malls about 150 miles south? We could have cut the commute for a LOT of people.

  • The Steve and Barry's in Orange was eh. Sure, it was even larger than any of the previous ones I'd visited, but it wasn't very exciting. I also made a point of visiting the UCLA and USC campus bookstores, which was much more rewarding, if expensive. I think I'll set a new goal of visiting all of the Pac-10 bookstores, since the only other S&B on the west coast is in Phoenix, and I've already been to the campus bookstore there.

  • Dinner with whitelightning and the wonderfully lovely Mrs. Wislocki was a pleasant affair. Brandon definitely picked a good restaurant, and it was the only time on the trip that I came anywhere close to blowing my meal budget. My only regret was not being able to spend more time with them (see complaint about driving above).


comments (4) 07-14-2005

The People's Comments:

cdeezy:
Uh... hello? It was CHRIS FUCKIN' KATTAN. Why anyone would want to do time over CHRIS FUCKIN' KATTAN is beyond me, but maybe he cock-blocked Justin over a nice piece of San Fran ass.

And, before anyone brings up the ''no jury would ever convict you!'' argument, I should remind you that there are people who actually enjoyed Undercover Brother, and they're probably living in the Beverly Hills area.

rochkano:
You didn't hit Chris Kattan? Did you have a moment of complete insanity? If your reason was the woman, well, it's called collateral damage - and maybe she would have gotten out of the way in time... yeah, you need to get kicked in the nuts!

coldcat:
So seriously, how many different Steve & Barry's locations around the world have you visited? Did you print off a list from their website so you could check them off?

crashnet:
I'm about to beat some ass ! First Clint says that he had the opportunity to kick Elijah Wood in the nuts and didn't. And now you could have hit fucking Chris Kattan, and didn't... oh yeah... you both... are getting kicked in the nuts.

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