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Where the single girls are not

Long, long ago, in a town far, far away....

My brother got married finally, up in Bay City, Michigan. Nice wedding, nice time, relatives I do not get along with, all the things that make a wedding, well a wedding.  Except for one thing.  A severe drought of single women at this wedding.

Now not to brag to ya'll, but I may be older than most of you, but having been to more than my share of weddings and standing up in them, the single female has ALWAYS shown up in these weddings.  How might you spot this young lady? Simple, look for the girl in the red dress which is screaming for attention, such as 'HEY YOU.....CHECK ME OUT!!!!!!!!!!'  Without fail you can always see at least one of these, and gentlemen, this needs to be your target to have a good evening during a reception.

So did I see any like this? Nope. Not a one. Not a one in even anything remotely revealing (except for Dan Elliss's wife, nice spice rack display) It was so bad on the single female front, that in a group of about 130 people, at the bride boquet kiss of death toss, 4 women of marriageable age (20 if we were in Kentucky) were ready for the toss. Breaking down the numbers further, 3 were currently engaged to someone already, and the 4rth is getting proposed to very soon. This is supposed to be the time when the wolves are looking over the group to decide who gets what and how to divide up the group so no fights are erupting over one female. You know just being a civilized male, thats all.

What I got was 4 women I know I am blocked from even trying, and about 16 liittle girls, aged 12 and under. So I planted myself at the Montrose table, once excused from wedding duties, and got bombed with Mr Dan Ruddy, Niles McNiel, Dan Ellis and wife, along with Todd Hemker and wife. YeeHaa!!! 

Maybe it was too early for the red birds to come out and play. Maybe they are all still south, but damn it, this was the only wedding/hunting season permit I had and it came up a big fat zero.

Thank goodness for the nudie bar, where red dresses expound and they are all single girls looking for extra money working through college. Yup, life is good.


comments (3) 05-18-2005

The People's Comments:

crashnet:
Haas, Dude... want to get married.

haas:
Yeah, after attending a few weddings over the last couple of years, it's pretty obvious that there are no more decent single women (i.e. not crazy) out there. Face it fellas, we missed the boat by not finding someone at college and clinging to them for dear life until they gave up all hope and married us.

dave:
Going to a wedding to pick up chicks? Gotta keep that family tree going strait UP!

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