Wopat Week 5 Presser
Once again no reporters showed up for the weekly Tom Wopat Fan Club press conference. Even with Coach Pool in a mental hospital, this team has drawn no interest. After last week's debacle against the Ex-Cons, last-minute replacement coach Ron Dayne is nowhere to be found. Team Owner William Clay Haas has issued a statement about the team going forward:
As Coach Pool continues to work on his issues, I have brought in a team of coaches that will fill-in for Pool until his medical team declares him fit to run the team again. Former Wopat QB Trent Green will coach the team. Green brings a wealth of offensive knowledge and discipline with him, as well as a great example of team sacrifice as we remember the last time we saw Green play he broke his neck the first week of the season when we played those bastard Dolphinzzz.
Taking over Offensive Coordinator duties will be former Wopat RB Priest Holmes. We believe Holmes has finally 100% recovered from the 15 different concussions he's suffered throughout his playing career. Many of them coming as revenge hits when he signed with those lousy Dolphinzzz.
And finally, since our WR's are getting killed every week, we decided to bring in former Wopat WR Eddie Kennison as WR coach. Kennison once caught almost 70 passes in one season!
A few of you might be saying "hey, is this the Tom Wopat Fan Club or the 2004 Kansas City Chiefs"? All I can say is "mind your own damn business and leave us alone so we can figure out how to win a goddamn football game again."