Wopat Presser Week 3
INTERN: Still can't get a reporter to show up to these, huh?
JP: Uhh, I don't believe that is one of the questions on your sheet there, Pedro.
INTERN: (sighs) Fine...(reads from paper) Is there anything you can take away from last week's loss?
JP: Great question. I think offensively the team played as good as we did last week, and Kenny Britt is really stepping up and proving he belongs along side Fitz and Marshall out there. Defensively we got careless and let it slip away at the end.
RON DAYNE: (off in the distance) Slip away? You let Sam Bradford beat you, kid!
JP: Shut up snitch!
INTERN: I thought he wasn't a snitch? That's what he always says anyway.
JP: Just read the next question before I send you back to the orphanage you ran away from.
INTERN: Alright...did you get your contract situation straightened out with owner William Clay Haas?
JP: I don't know, you tell me hotshot.
INTERN: Well, Dayne & I went over there like you said last week. We tried to talk it over, but I don't think Mr. Haas liked the fact that Dayne kept asking him why you were "getting ho'd."
RON DAYNE: Gettin' ho'd, son!
JP: You forgot the part about Dayne pulling his pants down and telling Mr. Haas to kiss his "little Jimmy."
RON DAYNE: Ha ha! WCH get got!
INTERN: So is everything fixed?
JP: Oh sure. Mr. Haas phoned me and said that in fact there was a discrepancy between what I was making and what I was listed on the books as making. He said it was a simple clerical error and he'd have it fixed immediately.
INTERN: Good, so everything worked out.
JP: Yeah, and then because of Mr. Pelican Pants over there, he fined me $250,000 to be taken out of my paycheck in equal weekly installments for the rest of the season.
INTERN: So...you're gonna be making even less than what you were when they had it screwed up?
JP: Pretty much.
INTERN: Hey, at least you don't have to worry about Dayne getting into trouble with C-Deezy this week when the Deezies come to town, since they haven't solved their little contract dispute.
JP: Yeah that's actually unfortunate. This was gonna be a surprise, but we've been planning a C-Deezy Appreciation Night at the Daisy Duke stadium this weekend when the Deezies come to town. We were gonna have free plastic gold chains, a make-your-own peanut butter sandwich booth, and one of those machines that let you make your own rap song. Would've been sweet, but what can you do?
RON DAYNE: Anyone remember the words to "Statutory Rape" yo? I gonna blow Deezy out the water with my version, you heard?