Wopat Week 2 Presser
WRITER'S NOTE: For the second week in a row, no reporters showed up for the Tom Wopat Fan Club weekly press conference. Coach Pool came out to an empty room and had a lowly intern ask him some questions:
INTERN: Uhh...it says here...well, it's not really a question.
JP: Just read what's on the paper.
INTERN: Okay...'After winning your 3rd championship last season, you've officially reached icon status in the FFF and a statue of you should be constructed and placed in front of FFF headquarters immediately.'
JP: Thank you, I agree. Next question.
INTERN: Uhh...'what was it like to defeat the Dolphinzzz again last week?'
JP: Pretty good. We came out and executed our game plan, minimized our mistakes, and ended the game injury free. Which is more than I can say for their team.
INTERN: Yeah, didn't I hear you put a hit on that Amendola dude...
JP: (interrupting) Shut it doofus. I'm not paying you to ask your own questions.
INTERN: You're not paying me at all.
JP: Yeah exactly. And speaking of that, I was watching Coach Young's weekly chat and he mentioned me being among the highest paid coaches in the league. Now that was news to me; I always thought my paychecks were on the low side the last few years, especially with me being a now 3-time defending champion.
INTERN: (reading from paper) 'and a damn handsome man as well'
JP: Yes, thank you. Now I fear what team owner William Clay Haas is paying me and what he's telling the league he's paying me might be two different amounts. Why don't you do some digging and find out some stuff.
INTERN: Me? I'm just a confused kid who answered your ad for work on that creepy craigslist post you made. How would I be able to uncover anything?
JP: I don't know, take Dayne with you.
INTERN: Oh no, I don't wanna go looking for dirt with that guy, he scares the shit out of me.
RON DAYNE: Oh hell to the no! You and me gonna go bust some heads at the owner's mansion. I been waiting all year for this, son!
INTERN: You really think it's a good idea to have Dayne start messing with the owner of your own team?
JP: It beats him hanging around here all day. I don't even know what to do with the guy anymore, but he won't leave.
RON DAYNE: All you fantasy coaches this year gonna get got!
INTERN: This is just sad.